2008: The Year of Yes

Let's Yes!

2009-01-06T15:49:00.002-05:00

I come from the future to give you good people of 2008 this message: I've changed the new blog from yesdefinitely.blogspot.com to letsyes.blogspot.com.

Forgiveness please for the trouble this may have caused for you, but you can read all about my exploits over at 2009: Let's Yes!

Please say yes and change all your readers and etc. accordingly. And I promise you, this will never happen again.

And here's the link...

2009-01-01T11:46:00.002-05:00

http://yesdefinitely.blogspot.com/

Yes2009 was taken. YesForever? Ruined by some dizzy schoolgirl who clearly doesn't take the word "forever" to heart. And while I liked the Japanese style "Let's Yes," the URL's lack of an apostrophe made me squeamish.

So I went with the best answer from my Magic Eight Ball. Somewhere I have (had?) a Magic Eight Ball that actually works. It's got a huge crack in it that I tried to repair with this white plaster (?). The water has faded to a dull yellow and a lot of it has evaporated, but damned if it doesn't/didn't answer every question accurately.

When I think of real-life magic items (magic items being the best part of Dungeons and Dragons), it's fitting and accurate and kind of cool that the only one I've ever come across is that old Eight Ball.

That story has nothing to do with anything Yes-related, though.

Anyway, if you would like to continue reading the blog (and I certainly hope you do), please update your RSS feeds or Google Reader or whatever it is that you do, and I'll see you over there.

As for now, I'm gonna start the New Year off right by getting a cheezburger.

A Look Back...

2008-12-31T09:44:00.013-05:00

First I just wanna say someone already claimed yes2009.blogspot.com, but it's been removed by the site and the URL is unavailable. THANKS A LOT, BUDDY! When I come up with a good alternative URL, I'll post the link. And if anyone has some suggestions, please send 'em my way.

But for now, let's travel back in time through the year that was 2008, and how all that Yes fun turned out.

January
Bought an acoustic guitar. Remember that? Well, I don't. I did not keep up with playing, sadly, and gave up about February. But I have a lot of good excuses! Namely, that I can only practice when no one is home, and that's a rarity in this day and age. Also: busy. Also: lazy.

BUT... now that I'm unemployed, I might take it up again. Maybe switch off every other day between guitar and Wii Fit. I actually did play for a bit two days ago, but that might just have been in preparation of this blog post.

Hey, and this was when I first started watching LOST, one of the best decisions I made all year. What a great show! I can't wait till it comes back, Wednesdays at 9 on ABC! (Note: I don't actually know if that's the right time.)

February
Whoa, a sleep regimen where I would go to sleep by midnight? What was I thinking?

That didn't pan out.

However, my current goal right now is to not go back to sleep when Sarah leaves for work (at 8:50 a.m.). This is Day Two of that plan, we'll see how that turns out.

I will say, though, that lately my sleep patterns have been pretty good, but, again, having no day job and the opportunity for naps makes that a lot easier. I should note that the above goal does not allow naps. I didn't take one yesterday!

March
Ah, March, the month of St. Patrick's Day and The Song of the Irish Peddler. I'm very glad I did that show, though it was a pain in the butt lugging around a 3,000-lb. accordion to the rehearsals and shows.

But, hey, how many other Asian-Italians can say they were part of an Irish folk band?

(Photo by Keith Huang)
Smarch
Lousy Smarch weather.

April and May
Ah, the months where I tried to be healthy in my eating and by signing up for Yoga classes but then not going to them. Yoga was a definite fail.

In an ideal world, 2009 would include some new physical classes, but since I'm now on a budget instead of Rich Uncle Pennybags, who knows if that will happen?

June
June spoon, to the moon! From where I'm from (Canada), that little rhyme is usually reserved for contemptuous feelings for something, but June was actually a fun month. It was my first trip to Maine, which is quite pretty during that time of year.

Also, I briefly changed my hairstyle. That didn't last long, either.

July
July held what was probably the best Yes decision I made all year, which was to go to Dragon*Con even after learning that I'd be losing my job soon. To be fair, I had already purchased the plane tickets, so it wasn't a real Year of Yes moment, but I stuck with the trip, and the world is a better place for it.

August
Dragon*Con! Oh, what a lovely time. I think about it when times are difficult, much like Bilbo Baggins would think of cakes and bacon when he was miserable and dreary. You guys remember that part, right?

August was an awesome month, since it also included a second trip to Maine and Terry Jinn's Enormous Television.

(Photo by Ari Scott)
All months should be like this: two vacations and a concert. And I usually hate August! It's the hottest month, and the summer heat turns me into a monster, but I also bought a portable air conditioner this year (this must have been one of those situations that were too personal to blog about), so it was pretty good.

September
Got my wisdom teeth removed. That sucked massive, but it could've sucked worse. At least, as my doctor pointed out, I didn't die. Sometimes the Year of Yes means you gotta do what you gotta do, and at least I got those bastards out of me before my insurance ended, unlike some other, more horrible things.

October
This got downplayed a little in the blog, but whoa, I moved into an awesome, huge apartment! October was easy, since it just involved watching movers move my crap, but September sucked, because adding on to my medical pain and penicillin allergies was the hassle of looking for an apartment, and I gotta tell you, I earned this one.

Almost every other NYC apartment I've found through good fortune - a friend of a friend knew about it, and voila - but, like in finding a job or landing a big score, you don't get the lucky break until you put in the work for it. And this year, damn, I worked for it. Usually while on Vicodin or something.

I must've looked at 3,000 apartments (all in Astoria), and then suddenly found two nice places. One was really nice, right down the street from my old place, but was more expensive and a hassle to apply for. This one, the guy was like, "Just give me the deposit, it's a done deal," since his dad runs/owns the building, and kaboom, the search was over.

But October, yeah, a good time. I braved ZombieCon by myself, and I got to play a comatose psychic during that live-action gaming event on Halloween, which was a good Yes. It was a very unique way to spend the holiday, and I'm grateful for the opportunity. I was drooling uncontrollably while strapped to a wheelchair!

November
Sure, this was the month where I started my novel and we threw that housewarming party, but really, all that matters is this:

December
Directed Lynn and Betsy's show... Wrestled at (but did not blog about) Hanukkaos: The Festival of Fights... Hated (or didn't hate?) Christmas... Spent the month writing... Grew a beard... Got new glasses that look a lot like my old ones but are slightly different and a lot more fancy-ass...

Not a bad way to end the year, I guess.

And Beyond!
Some previews for what's to come in 2009: Finally wear my gnome costume. Go back to Dragon*Con (those two aren't necessarily inclusive). Get into some new TV show. Finish this scarf I've been knitting for three years. Finish and post up my novel. Run a few more scenarios of Disney Zombies as an RPG. Keep playing the guitar. Outer space, maybe?! And fight a shark.

Happy New Year, everyone! See you in the new blog... and the future.

End of the Year... End of the Blog?

2008-12-29T13:05:00.003-05:00

So 2008 is coming to a close. Will this be the end of the Year of Yes?

I'm still undecided.

On the one hand, did this blog actually accomplish anything? It forced me to write more, which is a good thing, though it was a time-eater, and I could've used that time on more creative endeavors or wasted it on nonsense. And I need a serious amount of nonsense in my life or I fade away.

But did I inspire other people to get psyched and say Yes (one of my original goals of the blog)? And more importantly, my point of view about life change for the better? I don't think so. I continue to be like this dog...

...in the sense that I'm wearing my wonderful pink bunny rabbit suit and no one appreciates it properly, and I'm like, "What the heck is wrong with the world? I hate everything... and I'm thirsty."

Also, for every event I wrote about, there were probably two or three that I didn't mention, for whatever reason. Sometimes I'd forget. Sometimes I'd think, "Well, I don't wanna blog about something until it happens," but then once it did happen, I'd think, "It's old news by now, who cares?"

That's a pretty weak reason, though. Over the past 12 months, I'd learned that the best way to blog is to write before the event (to get psyched), and to recap afterward. Even if it sucked, it's enough to say, "It was sort of sucky."

But the main reason I omitted certain events are because I'm an incredibly private person, and I have no desire to talk about my medical misadventures or personal tragedies with my friends and family, let alone the Faceless Internet. Even blogging about my wisdom teeth was a struggle. For a long time, I didn't include my real name and picture until I realized it's pretty easy to find me, so why bother hiding?

Other Reasons to Stop: Laziness. Saying "No" to things is easier. That Yes Man movie kind of killed it for me.

And, to be honest, I don't take great joy in blogging. I've never felt like "WHOA MAMA I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!" with the exception of Disney World.

Finally, the year is written in the URL. Isn't that passe? Wouldn't I have to change it and deal with all the crap that such an effort would entail? 2008 is the past, man, I gotta quit living in the past! But I don't wanna start over on a brand-new blog, want to keep all these posts and stuff. Maybe I can just change the title or something. Is that legal?

Reasons to Keep on Bloggin': On the other hand, being responsible for the Year of Yes ensured that stuff would get done. I wouldn't waste all my time on nonsense, I'd go out and do things that aren't usual for me. Or I'd do easy Yes things (Friend: Want to eat this cheezburger with me? Kirk: OK.) and get an easy sense of accomplishment.

And (is this one lame?) I like having a record of my year. Even though I don't like blogging, I like having a blog. I can look back on past months and be like, "Oh, yeah, I did that!" instead of forgetting the mundane pleasantries of, say, eating a cheezburger with a friend.

In the past, I'd categorize each year by a month-spanning project: My Wife, the Ghost one year, Cakey! The Cake From Outer Space the next, then a Halloween karaoke musical. This year, I didn't do anything creative other than this blog. And that's OK, 'cause it was also a little personal project, too.

So will I continue it? I guess it'd be the ultimate No to be like, "And that's 365 days, I'm out, suckers!" However, it would be kind of funny.

Thoughts?

Merry (Belated) Blechmas

2008-12-27T13:39:00.007-05:00

You'd be surprised to hear it, but I'm not a big fan of Christmas. I mean, I like the idea of Christmas, and I often wear an Elf hat and excitedly shout "Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!" in the hopes that I'll get psyched, but at the end of the season, I'm as far from psyched as one can get.

I'm not into gifts, and that's really the reason for the season, isn't it? Just watch any Family Matters Christmas special (and I did, courtesy of Nick at Nite), and it always ends with them opening a mountain of presents. Eddie got that new boom box he wanted! It just adds up to too much clutter, and really, is that the payoff to 20 minutes of Christmas spirit? Presents?

I hate giving gifts! It's hard to figure out what to get people that isn't teh suck. One of my friends told me her family gave up on the act of gift-giving because it's basically "giving garbage to each other." And I agree! So much of the time, it's giving something people don't want or need. Maybe that's just my experience... or I'm terrible at giving gifts.

Buying gifts stresses me out so much, probably brought on by a lifetime of watching Christmas specials and being told it's very important to get the perfect thing, and I can never figure it out.

Then I thought about it, like, "What does Sarah really like?" and I got this very cool (to me) piece of gerbil artwork:

But let me tell you the ordeal it took to get this damn thing. First off, it was on eBay, but I couldn't Buy It Now, then it came in from France, and there was this huge self-induced stress of "Will it get here in time?" (since we both left town for the holidays), then I had to try and get the damn thing framed, and the whole thing was a nightmare.

Then I felt a little guilty because she got me a present I really liked, seriously, one of my favorite presents of all time: Super Smash Bros. Brawl for Wii. I've rarely gotten good gifts in my life, so it was a nice surprise. It perfectly fit my definition of a good gift - it's something I want (I really, really, really love this game) but would never buy for myself.

Most years, I try and alleviate this holiday hatred by taking part in the New York Cares Winter Wishes campaign. One would think making poor kids happy would make me feel better (and that's a selfish reason to take part in a charity, isn't it?), but no! All I remember from years past is how difficult and crappy it was finding and sending these gifts, and always being late about it, and feeling bad.

And yet, I enjoy those bad memories in the same way Oscar the Grouch enjoys hating the world. Ask me about how I had to deliver a very heavy wagon (admittedly, a really cool gift, I'm glad that today's youth still appreciate the classics) during the MTA transit strike a few years ago. I almost died.

Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown, but on that note, even though I subjugated Sarah to hours of Christmas specials and I watch them in the hopes of finding spiritual fulfillment, they still piss me off. They're too trite and easy and never delve into a deeper meaning of the holidays.

Even friggin' Charlie Brown, especially Charlie Brown - they just decide to make the tree look pretty and then sing "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" and that's the ending? That solves all his problems? I highly doubt it. He's going to kill himself come February.

Or the Grinch - I love the (almost) ending! The Whos sing without presents. Christmas doesn't come from a store after all! But then what does the Grinch do? That idiot brings 'em all back so everyone gets their material rewards. It undercuts the entire message! Eff that ess. I wish he would've burned it all and been like, "I'm sorry. I ruined Christmas. I'm an ass," and then the Whos would say, "It's OK. We forgive you," and that'd be it. No Christmas miracle, no appearance of Santa, just them singing without presents of foods.

Maybe I'm a misanthrope, but I prefer reading the Charles Ludlam (one of my favorite playwrights) adaptation of A Christmas Carol, where Scrooge realizes, bit by bit, that it's all about kindness. It doesn't cost anything, doesn't hurt anyone, and it makes it a difference. When he talks about how much he appreciated Fezziwig's parties, and they didn't cost hardly anything... isn't that what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown?

One final rant: Man, was church lame! I like my religion the way I like my coffee: full of mysticism and ritual and singing and weirdness. That makes it fun. And it's such a letdown when the priest just tells an amusing anecdote for his homily (Really? That's all you got? It's just the Birth of your Savior, padre, you couldn't mention that a bit?), everyone's shuffling their feet so they can go home, there's just no real joy or zest, just bored obligation, and there are at least three kids playing with their Game Boys. That part just killed me... parents really let kids bring video games to church nowadays?

Even the Christmas music was sang in a boring way, and that just boggles the mind. Christmas music should be the best, most-psyched music ever. And I listen to EPCOT's Candlelight Processional (of which I had the honor of being a part of, many years ago) and "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" on constant repeat during the entire month of December. I'm not kidding. To see that music fail to get people psyched... at a church... on Christmas Eve... it made me want to give up on everything.

And now for the topper: I had a pretty good Christmas this year! Both of my flights had zero problems, I got to go home for a longer amount of time (usually I just get to visit for a day or two), got to see most of my family, went swimming on Christmas Day, got a lot of writing done, played with the dog (at one point, I took a sword and knighted her Sir Stupid. I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever. Am I right, people? That's really funny, right? To knight a dog while she smiles a dopey smile and doesn't understand what's going on? And to use the name Sir Stupid for a female dog?), and had a good time.

So what the heck am I complaining about?

PS: I'm very proud of this post title. Let's all try to use the word "blech" a little more in 2009, shall we? 2009: The Year of Blech.

Writin'

2008-12-17T12:18:00.003-05:00

I've got a lot of writing going on. Always do. And now I've got some more.

I recently found out that Figment Theatre is running a contest for people to write a one-act play that involves classical movie monsters.

(Unfortunately, registration is now closed. I wish I could've posted about it earlier, but I found out about this less than an hour before the deadline.)

Sounds like fun, but here's a good reason why I shouldn't enter: I'm trying to finish the first draft of this novel, hopefully by the end of the year, so I can start putting it up on the blog beginning in January. Now that I'm unemployed, it's not that hard to get down 2,000 words a day, but I don't need any distractions.

Here's a bunch of reasons why I should enter: It's the Year of Yes. I like classical movie monsters. I like distractions. It seems like fun. It's due in 30 days, so this won't consume my entire life and creative self. I've got an idea that I've wanted to do for ages, but never did because while it's easy to write a script, producing and putting together a film shoot is a huge, huge hassle. And most important, because I want to.

So I signed up. Whee!

I might have bragged before that I have a somewhat easy time writing dialogue. At least, that's been my experience, because then you have actors to give it life and a director to make sense of it all, and you can always rewrite things if they don't flow.

Working on this novel has been a lot harder. It's a lot more final than any script. Scripts are joint efforts, this one is all on me. And that's scary because I don't have any decent amount of experience writing prose, I don't how to do it, and all my sentences start with a character's name or "The [something-something]."

It's weird doing something you're not good at and then putting it out there on display to be judged and critiqued and given cease-and-desist orders from corporate lawyers.

I saw an excerpt from a zombie novel that was posted online, and you better believe I judged it (it was pretty horrible!). What if people think that about my story? Man, that would suck.

Also, I'm fully aware that this probably falls in the realms of "fan fiction," and all the stigma that entails. Part of me doesn't care about that, and yet, I just thought about the Prologue, which features Rafiki (from The Lion King) reading the entrails of a sacrifice and being bothered by what he sees.

That's ridiculous. I know it is. I'm taking talking animals and putting them into a grim scenario that's already overdone (zombies are everywhere, even at the Bust Craft Fair, where I bought a nifty ring... but that's another story).

People are going to think that's stupid. So half of me is like "I don't want people to think I'm stupid!" while the other half is like, "Eff 'em. They don't have to read it. And really, the title should give them fair warning about what I'm going for, here."

Beh. For now, I'm just ignoring all the self-doubts and plowing through. Editing will take place in the second draft (I haven't read over anything yet, so maybe it's better than I'm remembering. Or worse.), the first is just to get the words (all the words - good and bad) onto the paper.

But writing a play that's got a monster in it? Man, that practically writes itself! How could you go wrong?

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part IV)

2008-12-13T23:08:00.013-05:00

And so we reach the final, long-awaited chapter in our Disney Adventure: Animal Kingdom.

K: We started out at the Rainforest Cafe for lunch. You'd never heard of this place, but I'm very familiar with it - we had one at Sawgrass Mills. What'd you think?

S: I made friends with an elephant.

K: This place must be a lot of fun for kids, but so annoying for everyone else. Every 15 minutes, the animals come to life, and every 20 minutes, there's a thunderstorm.

S: Actually, the kids didn't seem to be having a lot of fun.

K: Did you like it, though?

S: It was OK. It was funny. They had the best stuff in the gift shop, it was ridiculous.

K: And then we went into the park itself. First stop: Dinosaur!

S: That was cool.

K: Why?

S: Dinosaurs!

K: So you liked this ride?

S: Yeah.

K: It wasn't too scary?

S: No, you said it was going to be scary. And I did see a little kid crying on their way out.

K: But sometimes it moves fast, that's what I'm talking about.

S: I thought it was exciting, actually, unlike most of them. They used the effects to make it exciting, but not scary.

K: So then we went to the Asia animal trail. It was nice! It's very zoo-like there, and zoos are fun.

S: True.

K: This is where we saw tigers and bats.

S: We saw some ridiculous tourists. The "Nowhere Butt Hawaii" guy [he was wearing a t-shirt featuring airbrushed bikini babes in thongs] who kept on saying all the animals were "good eatin'."

K: They probably were. But what about the tigers and bats? Any comment?

S: I liked them. And they had a mouse that was pretty cool.

K: All right. After that we went on the Kilimanjaro Safaris, featuring the most sarcastic tour guide ever.

S: Yeah, he was sarcastic.

K: But good! It was a lot of fun, and we sat in the front row!

S: Yep. We were the only people in the front row. It was fun. I thought we were gonna be better friends with the people at the end, but we all just went our separate ways.

K: What?

S: Remember the rapport we all had?

K: Oh, right. Some of those people were very chatty and jokey.

S: Actually, they were kind of obnoxious.

K: But we got really close to a rhino! And some deer or I don't know what they are.

S: That rhino is awesome. It was coming up to us. And it was big and cool. I like animals.

K: I like turtles.

K: And then we went to the Africa animal trail, where we saw that deer get on its hind legs.

S: That was adorable. Wait, that's where that ["Nowhere Butt Hawaii"] man was. Because he said that about the deer and some birds that we saw after that.

K: Right, that's right. And they had some gorillas, which I don't think I'd seen before, but it was pretty amazing.

S: I think people who don't love animals like I do get a kick out of gorillas, because they seem like people, only, you know, bigger and different. To me, we're all part of a global community...

(I give her a weird look.)

S: Hey, I'm trying to sound good for once. I liked the mouse, and I liked the gorillas.

K: I liked 'em, too! They were really big, and their faces are creepily expressive.

S: Mm-hmm, their eyes.

K: And in this week's episode of Survivor: Gabon, they went to Africa's Eden, a gorilla sanctuary. It was pretty impressive. You decided not to go on Expedition Everest.

S: Yeah, I watched about 12 of those cars go down the mountain, and I decided to not risk throwing up.

K: It wasn't that bad. I don't think the drop was as bad as Splash Mountain.

S: Really?

K: Yeah.

S: But it goes right into a turn afterward. That was the part I was worried about.

K: I didn't think it was that bad.

S: Plus, I didn't want to experience the fear of waiting in line and knowing I can't get off the ride, like I did on Splash Mountain.

K: With our FastPasses, I just waited like seven minutes each time. It was neat!

S: I would rather you have a good time twice than have you have a good time once with me possibly not.

K: That's very nice of you. That was about all we did, really. It was mostly a relaxing day in a zoo, with some rides. But I really liked Animal Kingdom! Anything else you want to say?

S: We didn't do anything else?

K: No, we just walked the animal trails. Oh, but we never talked about Downtown Disney!

S: True.

K: Downtown Disney had Earl of Sandwich...

S: Which was the highlight of your trip.

K: That was the best damn sandwich I've ever had in my life. It was the Holiday Special, with turkey and gravy and stuffing and cranberry sauce. I wish to God I had taken a picture of it. I am not kidding when I say it was one of the finest meals I've ever had.

S: I actually enjoyed Downtown Disney, 'cause I like stores. And they had some pretty weird stuff.

K: Like what? The Ariel doll?

S: That was weird. It was weird that someone had, well, you know... undressed it.

K: And weirder still was that just one of the many baby Ariel dolls appeared to be anatomically correct. The Little Mermaid vagina. I just typed that so weirdos can find us on Google. Here's a pic!

S: Also, it was pretty cute watching the kids play in the fountain.

K: I ran through it! Remember? And I didn't get wet. Also, they had a Lego store.

S: Yeah, if I recall, you got scared in that store. You got scared a lot at Downtown Disney.

K: I sure did. It was weird and different. And nighttime.

S: And at Downtown Disney, I got to see my only triple [meaning a Disney character dressed up as something else as something else]. Well, some kind of merchandise representing three different...

K: Incongruous things?

S: Yeah. Like, I saw a lot of, you know, Holiday Mickey, or Pirate Mickey, but no Holiday Pirate Mickey.

K: I wanted to see Minnie Mouse as the Virgin Mary giving birth to Pluto, but that didn't exist. However, we did get the triple...

K: It's Disney characters as Tower of Terror characters and they're also sort of Clue characters.

S: Better than nothing.

K: I don't understand why they used Pete instead of Pluto.

S: He's a dog. Dogs can't be...

K: Pluto could've been the bellhop, instead.

S: Dogs can't be bellhops.

K: Pluto would make a better bellhop than Goofy. Goofy, as that kid said, is a weirdo. I also would've liked to have seen...

S: You wanted to see Kermit Mickey.

K: That would have been the stuff of nightmares. Anyway, that was our trip! Any final thoughts on the complete package that is Walt Disney World?

S: At least I know what you're talking about now.

K: Do you miss it?

S: Actually, I was thinking about it earlier today.

K: Oh?

S: I was thinking about what a good time you had, and how it was nice to watch you have fun. I guess now I know what it's like to have a kid.

K: I'm a big boy. Do you want to go again next year?

S: No.

K: Too bad. I'm taking you there for your birthday.

Oh, Disney World! I miss you already! I wish I was there right now. But we'll always have this flickr set to remember the good times. I'll close with a picture of all we could see during the parade at Animal Kingdom.

The End.

The Pun That Started a Round of Applause...

2008-12-11T09:25:00.005-05:00

Pam remembered it!

It happened after the fight between King Arthur and the Black Knight (who loses his arms and legs in the process).

A beggar walks by, calling out, "Alms for the poor, alms for the poor."

Then he picks up the fallen arms. Arms for the poor. Wokka wokka!

In retrospect, it's not that hilarious, but the timing was right to bust out the applause.

Spamalot

2008-12-10T09:44:00.003-05:00

Last night, in what could be the final theatre-going event of 2008 (or longer, depending on how much I end up tightening the financial belt), Pam and I went to see Monty Python's Spamalot.

It's closing soon, they're offering $20 tickets (visit http://www.BroadwayOffers.com and enter the code SPBAL20), and it's the Year of Yes, so why not?

Plus, we'd seen a lot of downer theatre this year (Equus, All My Sons), so we thought it'd be nice to end the year on an upbeat musical.

The show was all right. I'd rather watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, obviously, but it was a way to spend the evening. And it had a lot of puns! I love 'em! I'm an idiot! They're one of my favorite things, I find them just punderful.

When King Arthur said, "The grail is a symbol..." and the percussionist in the orchestra hit a cymbal, oh, how I laughed.

During a dance number, when someone carried out a bale of hay and everyone on stage pointed at it and said "Hey!" rhythmically, I hit my knee and elbowed Pam painfully to let her know how much I appreciated that horrible bit of wordplay.

And there's one more, I wish I could remember it, but I just started applauding. And I didn't stop. Pretty soon, the audience picked up on it, and they were applauding their approval for some stupid pun.

I was pretty proud of that moment. If there's one thing I can do, it's incite a crowd to action - I once got everyone in line at Splash Mountain to sing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" or some similar song. Oh, and when we landed in Orlando last month, I got the other passengers to applaud. Yeah, I'm a regular John Candy from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

I kept track of the number of puns in the second act - there were ten. I was curious if any of them would get spontaneous applause that wasn't started by me. No pun in ten did.

That's my show, good night, folks!

Fired!

2008-12-08T12:16:00.004-05:00

On Thursday our department was finally let go.

We were in good company, over 800 other people were laid off from Viacom in a big initiative of sadness.

At least our department had warning - a huge amount of warning, really, considering we were told at the end of July. But I still went from being a rich, rich man with more money than I could ever spend (remember that proposed trip to London and Paris?) and the savings just piling up to having to carefully budget my coins and be nervous about the future. Fun! And just in time for the holidays.

So now I find myself unemployed for the first time in about five years, wondering what to do and what will happen... along with thousands and thousands of other people.

Gone is my work ID, which always made me laugh. As you can see, I got it during a moustache period of my life. And when I finally shaved, everyone was like, "Wow, you look so different!" To which I responded, "Oh, this? This is what I really look like."

I'll miss the job. I liked the work, it was interesting and stress-free, I liked the people, and I had a plant that I didn't have to water for months at a time. It was without a doubt the best job I've had since moving to the city. Or in my life. I don't know what'll happen to the plant.

And there's a big, boring story about the MTV Closed Captioning Department and why things happened to us the way they did. Basically, in an effort to save money short-term, they're outsourcing us, even though short- and long-term, we were a profitable department. Long-term, they're probably making a mistake... but who cares about tomorrow when there are so many troubles today?

Our severance, which I was expecting to be a big fat zonk, was nicer than I could expect, so at least that's something. But everyone is unemployed these days... that's the part that worries me.

On the one hand, a steady paycheck is a great thing. But on the other, though 2008 was the Year of Yes, I don't feel like I got a lot done, writing- and production-wise. What did I do, what did I create, what steps have I taken toward my ultimate dream goal of turning into a Muppet?

Not much, honestly.

And so maybe 2009 might be a time to really work on that, instead of finding a 40-hour job that'll keep me rolling in the money. I think of some of the people I've met and admire, like Brian Huskey and Rob Corddry, who eschewed (God, I love that word) regular 9-to-5s in the pursuit of their comedy dreams. And maybe I should be taking similar steps.

Also, inspired by my friend DC's success in a similar venture, I'd like to work more seriously on my novel. That's right, the one from NaNoWriMo. Though the month is over, the novel isn't. I'm at about 33,000 words, hopefully done by 55,000. More on that in a future post.

So that's about it on the Employment story. Last Thursday, as I took my suitcase full of stuff home, I decided to Year of Yes the day, and not go home and sulk and watch Survivor: Gabon (one person on the show went to my high school, and another had a small part in a UCBW wrestling show last year - small world!), I'd take a coaching gig and do a commercial audition, even though it was raining and I wanted very much to sit and sulk.

I didn't get the commercial, but I think it's an auspicious beginning to my unemployment. I'm glad I didn't give up and go home. The coaching gig was a lot of fun.

Oh, and before I exited the office, I left them a little something on my bulletin board, to show them (whoever "they" are - it's not like the people who will be going over my desk are the higher-ups that cut all the jobs) that we're all real people, not just numbers:

I certainly was.

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part III)

2008-12-07T18:16:00.018-05:00

The Magic Kingdom - the mother of the four theme parks!

We went twice, once during the Extended Hours when the place was open 'til 2 a.m., and again the next day. Unfortunately, we didn't get a lot done (we spent a lot of time riding the train around the park), because Sarah was feeling sick most of the day, and I didn't want to drag her around. Also, it was pretty crowded, and that always gets my goat.

Anyway, let's get to the interview. Take us away, Dumbo!

K: Ah, the Magic Kingdom! What did you think?

S: It was the most typically Disney. It was what I expecting, with all the rides based on characters.

K: Well, we started out at the Carousel of Progress.

S: Oh, yeah. That was not what I meant.

K: Yeah, I know. Did you like it?

S: Um... Not really. It was ridiculous, I don't know.

K: But didn't you like their weird view of the future?

S: No, I definitely did not. It seemed like this old-fashioned thing, and then all of a sudden, it turned into just outdated.

K: They actually mentioned laser discs and car phones as being cutting-edge. CAR PHONES!

S: That was painful to watch.

K: But the rest of it's good. And the song.

S: That song got stuck in my head for days.

K: And what's wrong with that?

S: It's too short to be stuck in one's head, unless there's a bridge I don't know about.

K: Maybe "Man has a dream, and that's the start..."

S: No, that's part of what got stuck in my head. Oh, yeah, you were singing and everyone turned around to look at you. That was the most attention you got.

K: The ride was practically empty.

S: You were singing before the guy started.

K: It's a good song! After that, we went on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, and you hated it.

S: I didn't hate it. I didn't hate the ride, I just didn't have a good experience because I didn't know how to do it.

K: Yeah, the guns are hard to aim, you just gotta keep an eye out...

S: I thought it was broken for half the ride, because they didn't explain there wasn't going to be a pointer all the time.

K: But you scored better than that little kid!

S: I scored three times what that little kid got, and you scored... 100 times what that little kid got.

K: More than that, actually. I've been playing for a while. And we also took advantage of the shorter lines at the Haunted Mansion. Did you like that?

S: Yeah, I did. It was spooky, but... it was sombre, you know, not terrifying.

K: What was your favorite part?

S: The new [attic] part, with the woman and the husbands, because it gave you the best story, I think. That's what I usually look for. You see the first one, and you're like, "What is this?" Then you see more and more, and then she [the bride] basically tells you. But it was visually interesting, and you get a sense of story.

K: We also went on Peter Pan's Flight in Fantasyland.

S: That was... You made that out to be one of the best things ever, I feel.

K: Well, it's extremely popular.

S: But it just seemed normal. You feel like you're flying, I guess, but not like Soarin', where you actually feel like you're flying. You've gotta have an imagination, which I don't have.

K: Dreamfinder and Figment told us that imagination is something that belongs to all of us.

S: OK. I didn't go on that version of Journey Into Imagination.

K: I know, and I'm sorry. Do you remember anything about It's a Small World?

S: It was more chaotic than I thought. Everyone was happy. I was expecting segments for different parts of the world, rather than a giant room full of everybody singing and dancing in various languages at the same time.

K: But each room is a continent.

S: I wouldn't have known that if you hadn't told me. Ask me what I learned.

K: What did you learn from it?

S: (Laughs) I learned that hula girls always wink, across the globe, in every country. It's universal.

K: Fair enough. They made the castle to look like it has icicles.

S: I liked when the little boy said, "That's so pretty." That was one of the highlights of the whole trip, because I was surrounded by this, like, Disney romance, you know, man/woman, prince/princess, little girls dressed up like Cinderella and little boys in stupid, dumb-ass t-shirts, you know. It was a really gendered place, and I wasn't expecting to hear a little boy to say that. And it's true, it was pretty.

K: It was. I was really impressed. We came back the next day and had lunch at Tony's Town Square Restaurant.

S: It was nice of the chef to make something special [to accommodate her vegan diet], but it wasn't that great. It might've been what made me feel sick. I feel bad saying that.

K: He was incredibly nice, though. And at least we got to see Mary Poppins outside!

S: OK.

K: We went on The Enchanted Tiki Room: Under New Management, any thoughts on that?

S: I was annoyed by the two new birds [Zazu and Iago]. Especially the comedian.

K: Which one is that?

S: Iago, right?

K: Yeah. The show was better without them.

S: Sounds that way.

K: Also, they look weird compared to the other birds. They look like they're made of plush toys or Muppets.

S: The red one looked like he was made of Telly Monster.

S: During our stay in Adventureland, we also went on Pirates of the Caribbean.

S: I liked the sleeping pig.

K: Why?

S: It was funny.

K: And what about the rest of the ride?

S: It was interesting. I like pirates. Apparently I don't have a lot to say, huh?

K: Nope. (Laughs) Adventureland was fun, though. I bought a little treasure chest full of six-sided dice (over 70!), made you try on a pirate hat, we did the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, and I got a Dole Whip.

S: How was it?

K: Delicious! What else was there? Splash Mountain, we already talked about that.

S: Yep, I remember.

K: And Mickey's PhilharMagic.

S: Which you loved.

K: Yes, I did love it! It's cute and funny, and I wanted to hold Ariel's hand and I waved to Aladdin and Jasmine. Lynn told us to go on it a thousand times. I wouldn't go that far, but it's a really fun 3-D movie. What'd you think of it?

S: Uh... It was good for kids. I don't know, nothing much. I learned a lot about Donald.

K: Like what?

S: Just that he's kind of, I don't know, I just didn't know anything about his personality. I didn't realize he was such a curmudgeon.

K: He's a bit of a dickhead. But he loves dessert! Remember when that kid sat next to me the second time, and kept talking the entire time?

S: That was cute.

K: He said, "Goofy's such a weirdo."

S: And he is.

K: Overall, I don't think you enjoyed the Magic Kingdom very much.

S: Yeah, it was my least favorite park. And my worst experience was there.

K: Which was?

S: Splash Mountain.

K: Oh, I thought you were gonna say when you kept getting diarrhea.

S: Second worst, then.

K: Should I keep that in there?

S: If you want.

K: Done!

S: Wait... Are people gonna think you're serious?

K: I don't know.

On that note, we'll call it a day. Just one more park, Animal Kingdom, which, if you'll pardon a spoiler, was a really good time.

Grandma and the F*ck Yous: Last Show Ever!

2008-12-03T08:35:00.003-05:00

Tonight is the LAST SHOW EVER by the awesomest riot grrl band to ever come out of Elizabeth College, Grandma and the F*ck Yous. Come see it!

Grandma and the F*ck Yous: Last Show Ever!
A timeless tale of Riot Grrrls, Punk Rock, Love, Violence, Queer Action, Betrayal, Activism, & Hair Dye.
December 3rd, 9:30 PM
$5

WRITTEN BY: Lynn Bixenspan & Betsy Todd
DIRECTED BY: Kirk Damato
FEATURING: Bob Acevedo, Eric Bernat, Lynn Bixenspan, Stan Laikowski, Sarah Nowak, Betsy Todd
LOCATION: UCB Theatre 307 W. 26th Street (@ 8th Ave.)
Call 212-366-9176 or click here for reservations.

I Don't Heart Heroes

2008-12-02T17:27:00.003-05:00

Of the many things I said Yes to this year, trying out new TV shows was one of them, even though I knew it'd be a super-slow process (for example, it's December, and I've only watched two shows).

Lost was a huge hit, and I'm super psyched for January 21st, when the new season starts, but the second show... well, as you can guess from the title of this post, I'm not that into it.

And as you can also guess from the title, I'm talking about Heroes. I finally finished the first season, and the fact that it took me so long to watch 23 episodes is a good indicator that it failed to get me sufficiently psyched.

Which is surprising, really, it's a show about super powers, I should be interested. I loved the premise, actually, but the terrible writing just totally turned me off. Especially Mohinder and his ridiculously pretentious monologues, I wish that guy would shut up. Or die.

(BTW, I guess I should mention there might be spoilers in this entry, so if you haven't watched the first season of Heroes but might want to one day, stop reading.)

Also, and this is another slam against the writers, there were a lot of holes in the plot and in the reality of the universe. I write and edit scripts and stories and role-playing games, and if someone handed me some of these episodes, I'd be like, "Are you out of your mind?"

For instance, in Episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

The other thing, and this is the only one I can remember since I watched this over the course of about three months, is that the cop is telepathic. That's his power. Yet characters get the drop on him all the time. What's up? His powers don't always work? Did they explain that at some point and I forgot it? Or does he have to be concentrating to find someone? Because if someone is sneaking around trying to kill him, he'd probably use his telepathic powers to find them first (and don't tell me he can't use his powers to find someone - his first instance of telepathy happens when he finds Molly Walker). Or do they just fail when it's convenient for the plot?

I persevered through the season, because I was told by several sources that it ends well. BUT IT DOESN'T. Parkman gets shot several times, but I know he lives... So unless he's wearing a bulletproof vest, WTF?

Also, Skylar got away? Like, no one noticed that he disappeared? Everyone is like, "Wow, we killed him! But no need to look over at the body, even though it's in plain eyesight, let's all go home." Really?

And before you defend me by saying it's a time-honored tradition for the villain's body to disappear, I say humbug. It's a cliche. And if you're gonna rely on every single one of these characters to not notice, I don't feel you're writing them to the top of their intelligence or potential.

So I will not continue with Heroes, which is fine, I've heard horror stories about the second and third season, and even if there are a few good episodes, I can just read about them on Wikipedia or something.

The next show I'm going for is Mad Men.

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part II)

2008-12-01T22:15:00.021-05:00

Where many were, how few remain
Of old familiar things;
But seeing them, to mind again
The lost and absent brings.

The friends I left that parting day,
How changed, as time has sped!
Young childhood grown, strong manhood gray,
And half of all are dead.
-from "My Childhood's Home I See Again,"
by Abraham Lincoln

I no longer call it EPCOT Center. It's now just EPCOT. I hit this weird place during our vacation, when I realized it isn't my favorite park anymore.

The park I loved, EPCOT Center, no longer exists. Out of all the old rides from Future World, only one remains (I don't count Living With the Land since they got rid of the song). The World of Motion, Horizons, the real Journey Into Imagination, they're all gone. EPCOT Center is gone. There's only EPCOT now.

What did it for me was seeing a bunch of nostalgic vintage replica EPCOT Center shirts they made for the 25th Anniversary, and oh, that pissed me off. Because I was wearing an authentic version of one of the shirts they were selling. Ouch. So it goes.

But enough about me, let's see Sarah's take on EPCOT Center. I mean EPCOT.

K: So what'd you think of EPCOT? We went twice!

S: Are you interviewing me?

K: Yeah.

S: I thought it was interesting. It had different stuff that wasn't very Disney. The other parks had a lot of cartoon mice and ducks.

K: But the Mexico ride [now called El Gran Fiesta Starring The Three Caballeros] had crap like that. Too much Donald Duck, nothing about Mexico. It's more tourist-y than ever, since Donald plays the role of a ridiculous and embarrassing tourist.

S: Yeah, I could kind of see the shadow that you described to me of what it used to look like.

K: Let's go back to the front of the park. Did you like Spaceship Earth? We went on it twice. [And it's still good! I like the changes they made, and Dame Judi Dench can really tell a story about human communication. And they make stuff like this:]

S: It was kind of relaxing.

K: That's what most of the rides at EPCOT Center used to be like. Did you enjoy Soarin' [which, by the way, is pretty fun, but very short. My reaction here is way exaggerated. Also, note that authentic shirt.]?

S: Mm-hmm, because it's something I don't ever get to do. It's like an experience I never get to have, yet not scary and doesn't make me want to throw up.

K: What about the Imagination ride?

S: I don't think I liked that.

K: Me neither.

S: I didn't actually learn anything. What were they trying to say, what was the message there? I know they were trying to teach about imagination, but it was very vague.

K: And half-assed. I wish you could've seen the old ride.

S: Plus, Figment was kind of a weirdo.

K: Well, he's different. He's no longer voiced by Billy Barty.

S: Yeah, he's a little too puckish for my taste. And forceful. He was trying to order me around.

K: You didn't see the real Figment.

K: The real Figment was created by the Dreamfinder, not by Dr. Nigel Channing of the Imagination Institute. He used to have a dash of childish delight, not be a loose cannon. Also, let me add that the above pin pisses me off. Don't have merchandise for rides you've DESTROYED FOREVER. Anyway. What else did we do, did you like Living with the Land?

S: Yep, because it's in a boat and it was relaxing and there are dragonfruits. And there was a little boy who said, "Mom, look, a stone alligator!" And it had nothing to do with the ride, it was just a long stone. And he was looking at the fish instead of the alligators.

[Sarah enjoys people-watching more than actual rides.]

K: You seemed to enjoy Club Cool, the place where they give samples of foreign sodas.

S: That was fun, that was a highlight. I don't like or drink soda, but again, it was an experience I don't normally get to have. And it was nice of them to give me something for free, and I really wish this country had watermelon or apple or lemon soda, 'cause those were good.

K: I did like the lemon soda a lot. I drank so much soda!

S: And I didn't mind the disgusting one, it wasn't the worst.

K: Ugh, the Italian aperitif. It has a cologne-like aftertaste! But I drank it in honor of the father of one of my students (it was his favorite drink). Club Cool used to be "cooler" when there was snow and a caveman, but I do like that place. Test Track!

S: That was the sickest I got on a ride. If there had been one more turn, I would've felt ill.

K: You're a baby. How about Mission: Space?

S: That was a bit funny because we went on it with a little kid.

K: And that kid sucked! He didn't help out at all with our VERY IMPORTANT mission to space.

S: We would've been goners if he had been on our crew. I felt very unsafe with him as our Navigator.

K: Yeah, what a stupid kid. But otherwise, I was sorely disappointed. It's boring! (Though we did go on the weak-ass version.)

S: Yeah, and I'm glad we did. Lynn said they didn't have the two versions when she went to EPCOT, they only had the orange level.

K: Someone died, that's why they changed it. I think that covers it for Future World. Let's move on to the World Showcase. Did you like the Norway ride?

S: Yeah, it was kind of mild, though.

K: But they had trolls! And Vikings!

S: There wasn't actually a lot to it.

K: You're right. Just Vikings to trolls to polar bears to, like, oil rig, and then the movie. There's no story to it. Speaking of stories, you didn't like the American Adventure.

S: (Shakes her head.) I didn't. (pause) I didn't hate it.

K: Why didn't you like it?

S: I guess 'cause I don't like history. Or cheesy music.

K: Wait, you didn't like when they did the Civil War segment, with the two brothers on their way, one wore blue and one wore gray?

S: Yeah, I did, but you'd told me about that already.

K: Crap. (Pause.) And then at the end they added Run-DMC and, like, who else...

S: Tony Hawk. That was a little odd.

K: ...yeah, to the roll call of 20th century American heroes. And that was about all we did in the World Showcase, other than Reflections of China, the Circle-Vision 360 movie.

S: Which was awesome.

K: Why?

S: Another new thing [it's a movie theatre in the round], and it was really beautiful.

K: And you love China. Though I did think it was weird that they computer-generated a beard over the narrator's mouth so they could change the opening lines.

S: I would like to see it again to see what you're talking about.

K: It's too bad we didn't see the new Canadian Circle-Vision 360 movie. The old one made no sense. Now it's hosted by Martin Short. Oh, we saw Miyuki, the Japanese candy artist.

S: I liked that, it was fun to watch, but the things she was saying were a bit bizarre.

K: "Is candy, yum-yum, treat for you. One minute after." That's their patter, though. I saw her seven years ago (psst, it was a different Miyuki) and she spoke the same way. And what about the Japanese shop?

S: I actually liked the Japanese and Chinese shops. I wonder if that's just because I've lived in Asia and I've studied the languages and whatnot. All the stores were, like, Americanized version for tourists, but there was something about the aesthetic, and also, they were bigger.

K: And they didn't have, like, Mickey Mouse and pins and crap like that.

S: Yeah, I guess not.

K: We bought of stuff there. A lamp... A really great mug... Some Darumas... Snacks... Um, that's probably it.

S: I actually liked the World Showcase, because it's foreign, new. Plus, the best meal I had the whole trip was in Morocco.

K: Yeah, that's one of my favorite places to eat. And we got to listen to that Moroccan fusion band. And took this pretty picture...

S: Oh, also, I saw a manatee.

K: That's true! We forgot to talk about The Seas with Nemo and Friends!

S: Yeah, that's when you became six years old. When we were waiting in line for the Nemo ride, you said "Nemo, Nemo" repeatedly, I would say maybe 100 times.

K: It's very fun to say. I don't even like that movie, but I love saying his name. And they had Nemos there! Real Nemos!

S: And then after we got inside, you kept saying, "Sharks! Sharks! Sharks! Sharks!"

K: Well, they had sharks there.

S: You were also excited about the dolphins. They were cool.

K: Yeah, that was really exciting. I shouted, "Ooh, dolphins!" in a ridiculous-but-genuine voice. They had real dolphins swimming around. They're really big!

Sadly, I couldn't get a picture of the dolphins, they swim too fast. And no manatee pics, either - they look like majestic turds, and I couldn't get a good pic of their faces.

Going into this interview, I was kind of depressed (Lincoln's poetry does that to me), but by the end, I was accepting. "The Future World is born today," after all, and change comes to everything... even the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow.

Next time: The Magic Kingdom!

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part I)

2008-11-30T17:39:00.013-05:00

We're back! And we're sick (cough, cough)... but not sick of Disney!

You can probably guess my thoughts about the vacation, but since it was Sarah's first time experiencing the magic, I thought it'd be fun to interview her.

K: How do you think we got sick?

S: Some little kid.

K: I thought it might be the water from Splash Mountain. Speaking of which, what'd you think of that ride?

[BTW, all pics are mine.]

S: I didn't like it. It was too scary. I don't like being put into situations where I feel as if I'm possibly not going to survive.

K: But you seemed happy afterward.

S: Because I lived.

K: OK.

S: I would not do it again.

K: OK. What'd you think of MGM [actually now called Disney's Hollywood Studios]? That's where we went on the first day.

S: It was all right. I think it had a lot of potential.

K: What do you mean?

S: It could've been cool, they could've done a lot more cool stuff. They copped out. Like the place we ate at [the ABC Commissary]. The names of the dishes had to do with shows on ABC. That's kind of a cop-out. You were telling me earlier that even when you're on your way from one place to another, you still feel like you're in the park. [MGM] wasn't like that. There's not a lot of atmosphere.

K: No, it's really the most ghetto of the WDW theme parks. I think a park atmosphere set up to look like a studio lot is gonna disappoint - they're all just big, empty buildings. Anyway, what did you like there?

S: Tower of Terror. Not because I enjoyed it...

K: Uh-huh? But why?

S: Because it's got an interesting story. It's the thing that I saw over the weekend, I think, that had the best, most cohesive story.

K: And what was that story?

S: Well, just when you walk into the park, there's ads for the hotel, they're old and faded. Then when you see the hotel, it doesn't look like the pictures, it's old and decrepit. And then you hear the story of what happened to the people. And then even on the ride, they're telling a story.

K: So it's not like The Great Movie Ride, which is a collection of unrelated scenes, or Star Tours, which makes no friggin' sense - why are you showing up in the middle of a battle against the Death Star, anyway? But back to the Tower of Terror - what about the drop?

S: (pause) Um... It's kind of interesting.

K: Did you think you were going to die?

S: I didn't think I really would, 'cause I kept on seeing all the little kids in line and remembering that however many hundreds of people do this every day, you know, I didn't really think I was going to, but I felt fear. I don't want to do something that could result in feeling like I'm going to die, but while I was doing it, no, it wasn't scary. I'd ride it again.

K: Why?

S: Because I didn't notice a lot of things, I was too busy being scared.

K: And you wouldn't be scared next time?

S: No, I'll be a little scared.

K: What about Toy Story Mania [a new ride, and the most awesome thing at MGM - I loved it! We both did. It's like a game that you ride, but miles better than the Buzz Lightyear ride at the Magic Kingdom. I love it so much!]?

S: That was fun, and everybody coming out of it was happy. Every type of person enjoyed it, no one was crying. Except it was the longest wait we had.

K: Yeah, we gotta FastPass that next time. What did you think about Fantasmic?

S: The light show? I didn't care for it.

K: Why not?

S: It made no sense, it had no story, it didn't feel like Disney, it felt like that weird light show from Singapore.

K: Yeah, I really don't like Fantasmic. It makes no sense.

S: It was, like, I don't know, written by three-year-olds or something? No, it was just really weird.

K: Yeah, Disney villains take over Mickey's imagination... Jafar turns into a giant snake and chases Mickey Mouse... Pocahontas is in it and fights the English, it's just random.

S: Not a fan.

K: Me neither. Any final thoughts on MGM?

S: No.

K: That's funny.

S: Why? It's all a blur, I don't have any over-arching things to say, I just have small things. Except, actually, I think that was the park with the worst hats. I would say, like, three-quarters of the people there had ridiculous hats on.

K: Like me. [I had on my mouse ears.]

S: Oh, and you were about 12 years old that day, because when we first got there, you were leading me around by the hand, and I had to catch up to you and tell you to wait. And you started getting really excited when the Mr. Potato Head broke [at Toy Story Mania]. I think you jumped up and down.

K: I did! It broke! That was great! That was SO funny. He just shut down and stood still for, like, 15 minutes. (Laughs)

S: At first it said the same things twice.

K: Oh, right! That's when I knew it would break! And it did! Stupid Mr. Potato Head!

In the park's defense, we didn't go on a lot of the tours or shows, and really only did about half the things they offer. But I still maintain that it's a little bit lame-ass.

Next time: EPCOT Center, and why I can no longer call it my favorite park (this breaks my heart to write).

There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow!

2008-11-21T12:37:00.003-05:00

I was stuck on what to write about for the final Disney post, because it's a big, big decision. This is my #1 (which, really, belongs to the Haunted Mansion, but I was too psyched to wait), after all.

Eventually, I asked my friends for suggestions. Lynn, who's only been to the park once but loved it, said the Maelstrom because she doesn't read my blog closely enough. Sarah said a deer, because she was hoping there'd be deers in the parks ("There aren't," I said. "Damn it," was her reply.). And Julie, who's gone there with me more times than we can count, immediately said "Carousel of Progress," and she is right.

(To Lynn's credit, her second suggestion was also Carousel of Progress, but screw her.)

So either they both know my Disney tastes very, very well - which is obviously true for Julie, not so much for Lynn - or this is just such a great ride that it's an easy choice.

I LOVE the Carousel of Progress, and you know who else did? Walt Disney! They say it in the pre-show. I'm sure he loved all his rides, but I think this was his favorite, and it shows in the wit and humor and good-natured spirit of it all.

Time to get psyched!

- It's so old and creaky. It's shut down a lot of the time (I think they close it at dusk), little kids have no patience for it because it's a show with no thrills, I mean, they made it in 1964! But it's one of those nostalgia rides, which are more important than a lot of people realize, it's for the many people who come here again and again and again and never get tired of it. People like me and my family - when I was a kid, that song would often get randomly sung by my grandparents, aunts and uncles, we all love this song.
- And what a song it is! When I was little, it was "The Best Time of Your Life," but now it's back to the original, "There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow." (Incidentally, this is the only ride where you can hear Walt Disney himself singing.) I would call these the greatest songs in the entire Disney library. Yeah, you heard me. It's so much fun, and I shouldn't sell it any more because it's only gonna be a letdown for Sarah. My favorite part is during the Jazz Age, when the flapper gals sing back-up and go "Whee!" All songs need girls with heavy New York accents. All songs.
- GE used to be the sponsor, you can tell by the line about people who are "bringing good things to life," but they pulled their sponsorship. Yet I love that they still sort of mention them, and I think (though I'm not sure) you can still see their logo on all the old appliances.
- Their vision of the future, even now that it's been updated and is no longer 70s-riffic, is pretty silly, but I guess it should be, since it's a great big beautiful tomorrow.

TOMORROW!

I can't believe I'm going back there.

I don't often show people my naturally ridiculous state (which usually includes rolling around on the floor making animal noises, then jumping up and down frantically, then falling asleep), but it's like... wow, get ready for this hokeyness, but I feel like I'm finally going home.

2 Frakkin' Days Till Disney!

2008-11-20T14:25:00.007-05:00

I'm freaking out! Two days?!?! I'm busy looking at park hours, figuring out which one to visit on which day (and thinking MGM might be good for Saturday, after all), printing up stuff about vegetarian and vegan choices, and packing my invisible dog leash.

But eff all that, look at those happy skeletons! Honestly, with just two days left, it's really hard picking just ONE thing to be psyched about (I think I could do a post a day for a whole year), but when deciding if today should be about the American Adventure (the amazing and heartfelt and beautiful show about America) or whatever they now call El Rio del Tiempo (the Mexico ride at EPCOT Center), well, viva Mexico!

This ride is amazing. It's never crowded, it's slow and peaceful and relaxing, the scenery is beautiful, I think it's probably kind of offensive to Mexicans, and it's got naked people in it.

Unfortunately, all the stuff I'm psyched about might not exist anymore, because they've added the Three Caballeros to the ride in an effort to Disney it up. I don't think I approve of this, and I've kept purposefully ignorant of all the changes. Assuming nothing has been removed, though, these are the reasons why I'm so psyched to take another lazy trip down the River of Time.

- The inside of the Mexico pavilion, I'll say, is the most beautiful of the World Showcase. If you've been there, you know what I'm talking about, if you haven't, look it up on Flickr or I'll post something when I get back (don't wanna spoil it for Sarah).
- The ride begins with videos made in the early 80s of half-naked Aztecs dancing. No explanation, no "These were the native people of Mexico," you're just drifting through an ancient temple and - surprise! Lots of random ass-flashes - those loin cloths aren't very protective when you're jumping around.
- Those singing skeletons! I'm sure they didn't mess that much with the most fun part of the ride, which is a colorful town with no adults but lots of Mexican children (who look like piñatas) playing with fireworks, pretending to be bulls and doing all sorts of things that look dangerous and fun, and those skeletons sing that catchy-ass and totally inaccurate song, "Welcome mis amigos to friendly Mexico, to the land of fiestas, they're everywhere you go." Everywhere!
- I highly doubt the videos of the stereotypical Mexican merchants made the cut, but God, I love 'em. They'd follow your boat and try to sell you stuff - two men, two women. They never give up!
- Then there's random videos of cliff-divers and people lounging in jacuzzis. It's like, this isn't representative of Mexican culture at all, it's like b-roll for some resort commercial. I love it, none of those people are Mexicans, they're American tourists. So this ride teaches me that a big part of Mexican history and culture is that... tourists come to a place that has a bar in a swimming pool?
- Back in the day, I'd always leave a couple coins hidden on the ride (you can reach out and touch the scenery if you are not afraid to break the rules). I highly doubt any of my coins have remained untouched for eight years... but I want to find out. If I find one, I'm hoping it will be full of power from the River of Time.
- The ride ends with something that, to this day, I have no idea what it's supposed to be. They're life-sized puppets or mannequins, but they aren't made to look like real people. And they're in this carousel that goes around and around. Are they dancing? Is that what it's supposed to be? Because even back then, they could've made realistic audio-animatronics that don't look like corpses on ropes. Is this what they do in Mexico?

It's blurry, but it's the only pic I could find.

TWO DAYS!

3 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-19T14:22:00.002-05:00

Someone asked me last night when I was gonna post about the Disney-MGM Studios (although I guess now it's called the Disney Hollywood Studios).

Well, here's the thing... I'm not. I'm just not psyched about that particular park, and there's a chance that we might skip it entirely. Here's why (and if you disagree or I'm forgetting something, please comment)...

- The Great Movie Ride. Boring! I guess it has a few good moments (mostly when you're onboard the Nostromo - I won't go into details because Sarah is reading this), but it's pretty meh.

- Star Tours. No, I don't like Star Tours. "If they should bar tours, let them bar Star Tours," as Bill Murray might have sang. It's just a motion simulator ride with pretty dated technology. And I know all the merch will be prequel and Clone Wars specific, so it will suck. The only good thing about Star Tours is waiting in line, which, I'll admit, is really awesome.

- They got rid of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Play It! When I used to live in Florida, I would go to MGM every 30 days and play this over and over until I got put into the hot seat. Then I'd win some pins and a hat, maybe a shirt if I was lucky, and sell it on eBay. That's partly how I made a living. Now that it's gone, eff it! (Though I should wear that shirt some time during the trip.)

- They got rid of Disney's Doug Live! The absolute best stage show ever made ever. I have most of the songs memorized and have it on audiocassette somewhere. It was so good and sweet, I miss it. And I would've played Porkchop if they hadn't shut it down, and yeah, I'm still bitter about that.

- What else is there in this craphole? Oh, yeah, you know my feelings about the Rock'n'Roller Coaster, and the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror never did it for me. It's just a freefall ride, all gussied up. My favorite part (again, no spoilers) is really cool, but way too brief. They need more of that [spoiler] and fewer drops! Also, it TOTALLY kills the suspension of disbelief when you look out over Florida instead of 1930s California.

- Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular? No, thanks! When, oh, when will they put in Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye? That Disneyland ride is SO amazing! Seriously, the #2 Ride in the World, I'd say (after the Spider-Man ride at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure).

- Fantasmic. I've heard it's amazing in Disneyland, but here... you have to cram into a huge amphitheatre, like, two hours before and it's a show that's... well, I'd rather have fireworks. This is just a lot of dancing characters and video shown on fountains of water and Jafar uttering the ridiculous line, "Now I am the ruler of all Mickey's imagination!" It takes a LOT for Disney to do something that makes me go, "Well, that just doesn't make any sense whatsoever," but Fantasmic does that to me.

- And the rest. While I enjoy Voyage of the Little Mermaid, The Magic of Disney Animation and even the Backlot Studio Tour (please, oh, please tell me they still have that creepy-ass, faded painted wagon from Dumbo's Circus), I dunno if Sarah would enjoy them that much. Maybe she would, she likes intellectual things.

- Oh, crap. I forgot about Muppet*Vision 3D. Crap! OK, I guess we're going to MGM.

4 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-18T14:36:00.002-05:00

As Liz commented on in the last entry, I gotta throw a shout-out to Aloha Isle Refreshments (sponsored by Dole), conveniently located in Adventureland.

For most of my life, I'd never eaten one of these. I'd heard stories, but since most of my trips were on a shoestring budget, I wouldn't buy any food.

Then, last year during a once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimage to The Price is Right, my brother and I also visited Disneyland and got one of these, and you know what? It really hit the spot. That's one of the memories I have from my very memorable first visit to Disneyland, sitting on a bench eating ice cream with my brother.

Like they say, it's the little things.

- Delicious pineapple-themed snacks, what more do you need? Ice cream, probably skewers, juice, and all sorts of crazy combinations thereof. There are a ton of refreshment stands throughout the parks, but this is one of the most famous... for good reason. In fact, the only other one I can think of off the top of my head is that goddamned McDonald's French Fries wagon near the Frontierland/Adventureland border.
- I imagine pineapples are vegan, so there'll be something on the menu for Sarah. She loves snacks, too!
- Those benches are in the primo people-watching area of Main Street USA and Adventureland. I LOVE watching people on vacation, they're either absolutely wonderful or horribly grotesque. I remember sitting at that bench in Disneyland, watching kids crying for ice cream, parents denying them in nice ways and awful ways, people sitting and enjoying the park and people sitting and having a terrible time. I'm always amazed at how unhappy people can get over stupid, little things, especially at a place like Disney World. I wish I could say Dole Whips fix everything, but some people just can't be fixed.
- It's right by the Enchanted Tiki Room, and though I won't visit the Florida version (I disagree with its New Management), there are terrific pictures of parrots drinking pineapple juice, which I find delightfully absurd. Birds can't drink pineapple juice!

Liz, you wanna chime in on this?

(And I know the pic is from Disneyland, it's still the best thing I could find.)

The Apiary Made Me a Winner!

2008-11-18T11:50:00.004-05:00

(They told me to say that in my blog, so I did.)

Wait, Kirk, hold up a minute... What's going on?

OK, let me start over. I just won two tickets to see Rhys Darby (the manager on Flight of the Conchords) do stand-up, courtesy of the Apiary.

Now I don't enter a lot of contests, but they give stuff away almost every Friday, and Sarah's a fan of the show, and they have my email address already, so I figured Year of Yes, and now I won!

Whoo hoo! I love winning!

The Apiary asked that I mention the contest in my blog, so I'm fulfilling my end of the bargain, and now tomorrow I'll be enjoying this guy over at 92YTribeca:

Nice!

5 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-17T12:25:00.003-05:00

Holy crap, SpectroMagic is back!

By now it shouldn't come as any surprise that I'm the type of person who loves a parade. On paper, they sound lame, because it's sitting on a street corner watching people walk by, but in practice, whoo boy, they're so much fun!

I feel bad that Sarah won't get to experience the now-retired Main Street Electrical Parade, because I can't imagine a life lived without seeing and hearing it at least once, but SpectroMagic is absolutely nutz. Nothing gets me more psyched than a parade that can simultaneously creep me out and, as Mitchell would say, "turn my legs to putty."

- The whole concept is so bizarre. It's like a late 70s/early 80s revamp of the Main Street Electrical Parade. Everyone wears white futuristic-y outfits with lights in them. It's just so retro, who came up with this idea, who approved it, and why did they bring it back?!
- There are all these weird, white-masked people. They don't exist in any Disney movie or film, but they're all over this parade, grinning with frozen, hollow faces. I hope that one day, when the demons come and kill us all, they look like these things.
- Disney princesses! I think they're delightful and a little bit dreamy. I used to know a bunch of them (one even reads this blog), and even though my friends have long since retired, it's fun to see the new princesses... if only to go, "Really? They cast HER? With those cheekbones?"
- I'm like a baby, I find it very satisfying to wave at people. Usually the people on the floats are just waving generically into the crowd, sometimes at kids, but when someone waves back and you make eye contact, it's this nice shared experience. I gain satisfaction from someone waving at me in the same way I feel good when I'm the last person applauding at a show.
- The music is really fantastic. I could say this about nearly every ride/show at the Walt Disney World Resort, actually. However, I think I've only seen SpectroMagic maybe once, but I still clearly remember the tune and most of the lyrics, that's how catchy it is. Writing down the lyrics helps me understand the parade's theme a bit more: "On this magic night / A million stars will play beside us / Cast a spell of light / Glimmering, shimmering, carousel-ling." And there's even this weird children's chorus in it, always a plus.

This has been a pretty creepy post, but I think that's fair, considering the subject.

Five days!!! To misquote Mitchell, "if God could grant me one wish, it would be to spend more time at Walt Disney World."

6 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-16T10:10:00.002-05:00

These Disney posts has been heavily skewed toward EPCOT Center, so I thought I'd give a a shout-out to Disney's Animal Kingdom... specifically, Expedition Everest!

I've never been on this ride (it opened in 2006, so it's still pretty new), but hot damn am I psyched to go on it. In case you're not aware, it's a roller coaster, and I really do love roller coasters.

A good one, a really good one, is about as close to flying as we can get in our human form, and that's one of my favorite feelings, and can reduce me to screaming things like "Hotchee motchee" (one of the catch phrases of Jay Sherman from The Critic).

Since I don't really know what's gonna happen on this ride, I don't have many specific things to write about, but...

- Look at those train tracks! Someone destroyed them! And you know who it was? It was the Yeti, AKA the Abominable Snowman. I'm really psyched to see this audio-animatronic, and am a bit disappointed I saw a spoiler on Flickr (and that would've been the pic for this entry, but it's copy-protected). I was psyched about the Yetis over at Disneyland's Matterhorn, but they were really weak. The Yeti over at Expedition Festival is supposed to be terrifying.

- Most of the Disney roller coasters, I admit, are kind of weak-ass. Space Mountain is fun, Big Thunder Mountain's interesting to look at, and Splash Mountain is a great dark ride with one big drop, but they don't get me screaming nonsense words (Space Mountain, I admit, is pretty fun, mostly because it's in the dark). And although Aerosmith's Rock 'n Roller Coaster is exciting and goes upside-down, the entire theme (you're in a limo traveling to an Aerosmith concert) isn't very Disney for me. I'm hoping that Expedition Everest tops all of 'em.

An interesting/concerning note: Sarah dislikes fireworks and roller coasters (although I think she should ride the "Mountain" ones, since they're all tame. I'm fine skipping Aerosmith.), but she loves hotels, so I'm curious if this vacation will be a bust for her, as I wind up dragging her by the arm through the parks. Which I'm perfectly willing to do.

7 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-15T22:48:00.005-05:00

"We've gathered here tonight around the fire, as people of all lands have gathered for thousands and thousand of years before us: to share the light and to share a story. An amazing story, as old as time itself, but still being written. And though each of us has our own individual story to tell, a true adventure emerges when we bring them all together as one.

I hope you enjoy our story tonight: Reflections of Earth."

That's what's said by an aged narrator (who I think might be God or Father Time or a friendlier version of Uatu the Watcher) at the beginning of the best fireworks show I've ever seen, EPCOT Center's Illuminations: Reflections of Earth.

I seriously love fireworks, they're like great big booming cannonball fights where, instead of people dying, the sky turns pretty, and seriously, I get so psyched over fireworks displays you'd think I'm John Lithgow. But Reflections of Earth is the only one that can make me cry.

- This show is just the perfect way to end a day at EPCOT Center. All day long you've experienced ideas of today giving birth to tomorrow (the over-arching theme of Future World, the front half of the park) and the ideas of global brotherhood (as shown in the World Showcase), and now you see these themes explode! As fireworks! In improv terms, it's the ultimate third beat!
- Surrounding the World Showcase Lagoon are all these giant torches, and when the narrator finishes his opening monologue, he blows them out, and whoosh, they're extinguished! I love that part.
- Not that I plan to do this, but leaving a theme park during a fireworks show is an amazing experience. Imagine walking through a sea of people, all of them facing one direction, all looking to the sky with a look of awe and wonder on their faces, as multi-colored lights and shadows dance across the populace. And you're the only person doing something different. Absolutely amazing. Incidentally, that's what inspired me to write my infamous (and unpublishable) role-playing game, Press Ne Presents: Chaos in Disney!, as a chemical fallout from the fireworks turned everyone into a mind-controlled horde.
- The music, and I know I sound like a sap saying this, but it's really, really beautiful. At the end, this woman sings, "We go on to the joy and through the tears, we go on to discover new frontiers [like space!]."
- I guess there's something I like about shared experiences with huge groups of people. I find it very satisfying to be there with all these families from across the world, people of all ages, watching these fireworks together. Once the show is done, people are back to their own individual vacations, but for these 30 minutes (I think it's that long), we're all united. And there are always those people who decide to go on rides during Illuminations, because the lines are much shorter, but what I love is that when they exit the ride, they look over to the lagoon, and there's always a look of longing and some regret at what they missed.
- Afterwards, while all those suckers exit through the front of the park, I'll be one of the few who take the secret back route near France. Enjoy the long lines, suckers! Sarah and I will be taking an empty bus to Downtown Disney (unless we're really tired).

I can't believe I'll be there in less than a week! By this time next week, I'll be on that empty bus (assuming we go to EPCOT Center on the first day, and further assuming we're not really tired).

8 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-14T13:44:00.004-05:00

Don't be fooled by this picture of scenic Southern tranquility. This is actually the Riverside Mill, the food court at Port Orleans: Riverside (the hotel where we'll be staying).

I love hotels! I love everything about 'em - room service, weird towels, different bed, crazy air conditioners, key cards, they're great. I love 'em so much that they make me want to pull a John Waters and start doing the pony.

And Port Orleans: Riverside (or, as I still call it, Dixie Landings), is by far my favorite of Disney's Moderate hotels. It's got so much more character than its twin hotel, Port Orleans: French Quarter (or, as it used to be called, just Port Orleans), which has a Mardis Gras theme.

I only have moments to blog about what gets me psyched before the urge to dance will take over, so this'll be quick.

- Seeing if Ahn still works at the Riverside Mill. He was a cashier there almost a decade ago, but a very nice man who pronounced cream cheese as "cream chee" and once gave us a small cup, free of charge, "for water," he said with a wink. (You usually have to pay for a cup to use the soda fountain. I believe Ahn kindly gave us the little one, fully expecting us to fill it with free soda.)
- That Japanese channel! I once stayed up all night watching some marathon of a soap opera or drama... and I'm still not sure what it was about.
- The channel that's all about Disney park info! I'm sure they've revamped it since 2001, but I do hope they still sing "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, tip for today." Most of those tips are for n00bs ("Have a good time! Stay together") but it's the de facto background channel.
- Having two double beds! One gets all your luggage and crap, and the other is for relaxing and jumping on and breaking.
- The ridiculous water pressure in their showers! Nothing is better than coming back after a day in the park, being very tired, sweaty and dirty and sore from a day of walking, throwing your clothes into the dirty clothes bag, and taking a kick-ass shower.
- The statues of Huey, Dewey and Louie in the gift shop. There's something that makes me laugh/cringe when I see Disney characters dressed up in faux Southern nostalgic outfits. Like, I just want to ask, "But what about slavery?" Then I like to imagine, say, Goofy dressed up as Abraham Lincoln (I choose Goofy only because he's the tallest), and then getting assassinated by Donald Duck as John Wilkes Booth.

OK, that image pushed me over the edge, I gotta dance.

Eight days!!!!

9 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-13T12:19:00.003-05:00

"Like a grand and miraculous spaceship, our earth has sailed through the universe of time. And for a brief moment, we have been among its many passengers."

So begins one of the finest rides of all time, Spaceship Earth. For those who don't know, Spaceship Earth is the big ball at EPCOT Center (I'll be damned if I'll just call it EPCOT), and it tells the history of communication, from cave drawings to the printing press to the near future.

Above is the mural right outside the entrance. I love it. It's my laptop's wallpaper.

There's so many things I love about Spaceship Earth! Writing them down might overload the Psych-odometer, but Dr. Latham assures me that one can never get too psyched, so let's go.

- New narration! Even though I loved Jeremy Irons' soothing voice, I'm excited to see what changes they've brought to the script, and (possibly) to the scenes set in the near future. I think the new narrator is Dame Judy Dench, but I'm not sure, and I'm avoiding reading about it so everything will be a surprise for me.
- The smell of burning Rome. One of Julie's favorite smells, she always says they should put a restaurant up there.
- That creepy kid selling newspapers.
- Remembering the old song "Tomorrow's Child," which has been gone for years and years. This was how they used to depict the future, with weird silhouettes of children and one of the most inspiring lyrics ever, "The future world is born today." It makes me want to run around and do something for humanity, even if it's just making videos about a talking cake from outer space. "We're alive!" it makes me want to scream. "We're alive and even if things are sucky right now, eff it, we're alive and we can do something with our lives! We're all in this together! Yes, we can! Year of Yes!"
- Siemens is now the sponsor for Spaceship Earth (taking over from AT&T), so I'm interested to see what the new post-ride exhibit will be. I was never that in love with AT&T's Global Village, though Julie and I used to make crank calls with their giant weird phone that made animal noises.
- When the narrator says, "The theatre was born."
- When the future teacher says, "Try a dragonfly." I bet this part is gone, because it was always weird and never made sense. It was some weird classroom where they were designing a spaceship that's similar to a bug, and they try bees and then the teacher suggests the dragonfly, and it loops forever, and that's where the ride always stops when I'm on it so I go through the loop 18 times.
- The absolute money shot of the ride, which I won't spoil for Sarah, but it's when you reach the apex of the ball. I hope the script hasn't changed, and I'm sure the music has, and I hope it still has the same power as it used to.

Nine days!!!!!!!!!!!

10 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-12T12:43:00.002-05:00

Who is this handsome fellow?

Why, he's one of the bats that hold the velvet ropes in the Haunted Mansion queue!

I probably mentioned this before, but the Haunted Mansion is my absolute favorite ride in the Magic Kingdom. I was scared of it as a kid, and it still makes me a bit nervous when I'm waiting in line outside, right before we enter the foyer, because I know some day, something is gonna go wrong and those ghosts are gonna be real.

So what about the Haunted Mansion makes my psych-odometer go nutz?

- Changes! I haven't been to Disney World since 2001, so I believe there's now an Escher-like room, amongst other things. Also, I've only seen the California version of the new Attic Bride.
- Haunted Mansion maids! I love 'em! I love their costumes, I want one so damn bad.
- The familiar wolf howl as you make that right turn in Liberty Square. So melancholy.
- The improved seance room!
- The immediate change in temperature as you enter the foyer.
- Looking at (and being disappointed by) the Haunted Mansion merch. Weird, I know, but I'm psyched to see all the lame stuff they're selling.
- Shrinking back into my Doombuggy as we hit the attic and graveyard, because those ghosts that pop out at you still make me jump.
- The gargoyles in the stretching room - I missed those guys.
- Telling everyone to look up so they don't miss the hanging corpse of Master Gracey.
- The one kid that's gonna start crying immediately. I laugh at that kid's cowardice. Trust me, when something finally goes wrong and the ghosts become real, that kid's dead!

Sarah said that every day, as this vacation gets closer, I become a little bit younger, and it's true. I just want to run around and scream all the time.

11 Days Till Disney!

2008-11-11T14:54:00.004-05:00

I spend a lot of my lunchbreak just looking at flickr pics of Disney World and EPCOT Center to psyche myself up.

In an attempt to break the Psych-odometer (an invention of Dr. Lanny Latham), I'll try and post a pic a day.

Norway! An amazing ride (with Vikings, polar bears, and even an oil derrick), an amazing movie, an amazing country.

Things about Norway that get me psyched...

- The giant troll in the gift store
- The Vikings exhibit, which I've never seen.
- When the troll on the ride goes, "Disappear, disappear!"
- The part in the movie when the ballerinas realize they're being filmed and one smiles shyly (one of my all-time favorite moments of all time).
- Troll merch.

Thanks For the Tip, Katey...

2008-11-09T23:07:00.004-05:00

but soda for mixed drinks ended up not being necessary. Most of the people who came aren't big drinkers (or drinkers at all), and were pretty happy with what we had.

The party went all right. The turnout was a lot lower than I'd have liked (and, since we only invited a select few people, it'd be more accurate to call last night a gathering instead of a party), but we had fun.

A few things I learned, in case we do this again for Xmas...

- Don't spend all day prepping, because then you'll be super-tired when it's time to have fun.

- 45 minutes after the party seems to be the time when first people arrive, an hour is when most of them will get there.

- Gerbils are a big hit.

- Don't buy the fancy-looking 9 oz. disposable cups - they're too small!

- Don't buy bite-size tortilla chips, they're also too small and can't scoop up both layers of the bean dip.

I asked Sarah if she had anything to add to this list, and she said, "I didn't learn anything from this party."

There was a long, uncomfortable pause, and then she said, "I learned that Time Bandits is that crazy movie I remember from when I was a kid."

She's right, this movie is CRAZY. The big, glowing head (which I think is God) always used to scare me.

The Housewarming Party Approaches...

2008-11-07T12:59:00.002-05:00

These are some things that I stress about:

- Nobody's going to come because the trains in Astoria are majorly effed up during weekends in November.

- That too many people will come and we'll not have enough chairs (we have seven chairs).

- What kind of drinks to get. Sarah says no one will really want soda, but I'm not too sure.

- We still don't have a coffee table, so where will people put their drinks?

- Rain.

- That it'll be an awful, boring time for everyone.

You Know Who Else is Having a Year of Yes?

2008-11-05T14:47:00.008-05:00

Everyone who was unhappy with the direction this country's taken in the past eight years under George W. Bush.

Everyone who volunteered and voted to make history, and, hopefully, possibly, change the world.

What's interesting is that even though this is the end of the race, it's the start of the game. I hope that people won't sit back for the next four years, but will remain engaged and active to make sure that Obama lives up to his promises.

Change isn't just a buzzword, it's an actual, real thing. Or it can be, anyway.

So now it's a Year of Yes x 4 for America, to help make the country even greater than we can imagine.

(Also, it's a Year of Yes for Obama's daughters... They're getting a puppy!)

Someone Else is Having a Year of Yes...

2008-11-05T11:55:00.002-05:00

Yes, we can.

Yes, we did.

And yes, we will.

Nanowrimo

2008-11-03T12:54:00.002-05:00

It's November, time for Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month for the n00bs). It's not exactly my thing, but Sarah and her dad are doing it, and since this new Cakey script is just about done, I figured why the heck not, it's the Year of Yes.

November 1st: Started out fine. Tried this pulpy/mystery thing set in a fictionalized Saint Augustine.

November 2nd: I changed my idea and decided I wanted to do a novelization of Disney Zombies, since I need to write that down anyway. So I started over. The prologue features the Three Little Pigs.

If we're to reach 50,000 words by the end of the month, I think we have to write 1,667 words or so a day. That's harder than I thought. I can write at a pretty good clip, I'm no Ed Wood (who allegedly could work on multiple shitty screenplays at the same time), but if I don't edit myself and just keep plowing ahead, I can knock out 1,000 words with little difficulty. Those final 667, though, aren't so easy.

And I choose not to think about what's gonna happen during Thanksgiving, when we spend a week in Disney World. In my mind, sure, we'll write while we're down there, sure, we will), because otherwise that number ups to about 3,000 words a day.

In other news, all of my dreams in the past week have involved zombies, Disney World, or the election.

My Halloween

2008-11-01T23:46:00.003-04:00

At some point last night, while riding in the back of a cargo van, trying desperately to keep a homemade supercomputer prop from falling on top of me as Ptolemy drove through the bumpiest, swerviest side-roads on Roosevelt Island, I thought, "This is probably the weirdest thing I've ever done."

And that says a lot.

Last night was a lot of work (and I think I did the least out of everyone involved) and a lot of fun. I really enjoyed myself.

It's not interesting to recap the game's plot to those who weren't there (and it isn't my story to tell), but at the end of the night... maybe 1 or 2 a.m., I was in a wheelchair, feigning unconsciousness, hooked up to this supercomputer that was killing me.

And this large group of players (I don't know how many - my eyes were closed) slowly approached us. They were told the only way to stop the supercomputer was to chant a code, and they did.

So we were slowly surrounded by this chanting horde, and the only thing I could see through my eyelids was their flashing iPhones as they took pictures of me drooling (I can't wait to see them). They chanted louder and louder, Ptolemy, the main baddy, exhorted them to stop, and the supercomputer finally died in an amazing burst of light and whirrings. I was saved!

What a way to spend Halloween.

And I mean that seriously, what an awesome way to spend a Halloween.

It makes me think of last year, when I wrote and produced a jukebox karaoke musical for the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre called High School: The Deathening.

Again, it was a lot of work, but a lot of fun.

At the time, I thought, "I'm sacrificing my Halloween, nay, my entire month of October, this year. Instead of doing something fun, I'm giving something fun to the people." But I've since realized that this is kind of nonsense, because I really loved making that show. I was doing it for an audience, but I was also doing it for myself.

In the same way, I really enjoyed helping out some fine people with this alternate reality game. So thank you, Prototype161, the pleasure was all mine.

Still, it was really weird to be seriously concerned that I could get badly cut by a supercomputer (that sucker was full of sharp bits).

What I'm Doing For Halloween...

2008-10-31T09:52:00.001-04:00

Saving the world.

The Ghost of Gertrude Tredwell

2008-10-30T11:07:00.003-04:00

As mentioned earlier, last night I went on a ghost tour at the Merchant's House Museum in the East Village, called "Manhattan's most haunted" by Time Magazine.

It was pretty interesting, especially because I had a ghostly encounter of my own.

Seriously.

While in the first room of the tour (the room where Gertrude Tredwell, the house's most famous and active ghost, was born; also, the room where she died), something touched me on the side of the head. It wasn't a light cobweb or a small insect or anything very faint, I felt my hairs move apart and something poked me.

I knew it wasn't Sarah, since she was standing in front of me, so I turned around. Now I highly doubt it was the usherette or one of the few guests standing there, and since this wasn't one of those ghost tours where people dress up in costumes and scare you, I'm willing to believe it was Gertrude.

Later on in the tour, they mentioned how last year, during a chorale concert in the house, one singer felt himself get poked in the ribs three times. And this coincided with several guests witnessing an elderly woman arrive, sit in one of the old chairs, and watch the concert.

So maybe Gertrude likes to poke people, I dunno.

True story, but weird.

Ugh, Parties.

2008-10-28T17:33:00.003-04:00

A lot of stuff I've said Yes to recently has been pretty easy (going to see the final dress rehearsal for Dividing the Estate, which I did last week, or going on a ghost tour of the Merchant's House Museum, which I'm doing tomorrow), but I recently said Yes to something pretty difficult.

We're gonna throw a housewarming party.

The idea of this fills me with dread. It's weird, I know, but it seriously scares me.

What if no one comes? What if they have a bad time? What if they hate the food? What if they steal my things? What if the gerbils get upset? What if they stand on our bed while wearing shoes? These are all stupid fears - we're only inviting a handful of friends that are trustworthy, well-behaved and non-judgmental, but I'm still worried.

I'm frequently uncomfortable with anyone, even people I know and like, being in my house. Case in point, back in St. Augustine I frequently turned away would-be guests from my eccentric and spider-filled studio. Here in NYC, I've had almost no one over to any of my apartments ever.

One-on-one guests are bad enough (though, strangely, Julie came over last night to sketch Cakey, and that wasn't uncomfortable at all), but now multiply it to maybe a dozen people. Madness! And then add on all the hosting responsibilities. Lunacy!

It brings to mind the only party we ever had at my house when growing up. It was my brother's birthday. He was probably six or seven, so I was just four or five. And for some reason (I'd guess because my mom didn't understand the customs of birthday invitations or RSVPs), it was up to my brother to invite all his friends.

I don't know if my brother could really write back then - did he give out invitations? Did he just mention this party? How could these little kids be expected to tell their parents, and for their parents to take them seriously and drive them to this unfamiliar house? How did they even know the address?

I don't know what went wrong, but something did, because only one kid showed up. Just one kid.

Years later, I asked my brother if he remembered that party, and if it sucked, and he tersely replied that yes, he did, and yes, it did.

We never had a party in that house again.

So now we're gonna have a party soon. And seriously, this is probably the most stressful thing I've blogged about all year. Maybe even more so than getting my wisdom teeth removed. Madness.

The Lodge Classes Up

2008-10-24T12:18:00.005-04:00

Today the Lodge did something that I haven't seen (or noticed) during all my time here: they invited a guest chef to come cook a classy lunch, in addition to the regular options.

Now I'm one of those people who love Food Network but isn't a foody (I enjoy eating garbage - last night for dinner I had a slice of pepperoni pizza and a bowl of Fruity Pebbles), but I still think it's pretty cool that they got Ed Brown from Eighty One to cook a risotto and shrimp dish.

And, it being the Year of Yes, I totally ordered it.

I was a bit surprised by the portion, since the Lodge usually gives you mammoth-sized servings of meatloaf or whatever, and the price was twice as much as a normal lunch, but again, this is a guest chef.

Verdict: Pretty good! I am not really a shrimp lover unless they've been fried or cooked by my mom, but I enjoyed it. Still, I'm glad I got a small serving of chicken Waldorf salad (which I'd also never seen at the Lodge before) to top off the meal.

Hey, How Was Equus?

2008-10-22T10:08:00.002-04:00

In a word: mind-blowing.

In two words: pretty mind-blowing.

I'll forego writing anything stupid about seeing Harry Potter naked (although you do indeed get that), because once I got engaged in the play (and it IS quite engaging), that doesn't seem as important.

It's been about ten years since I've read Equus, and I'd never seen it on stage before. It's powerful, powerful stuff. About passion and madness and worship and how they can all mix together.

And I kind of feel this play is about the best argument for beastiality that one can make... which is something I never thought I'd write.

Anyway, Pam's birthday is next month (on the same day as my brother's - a coincidence that means nothing), so she gets to pick, and since she likes Entourage, we're gonna see Speed-the-Plow starring Jeremy Piven.

I can't think of any decent pun involving that title.

ZombieCon: A Survivor's Recap

2008-10-19T10:19:00.004-04:00

I was conflicted about going to ZombieCon, because our TV and TV stand were getting delivered some time during the day (between the ridiculous window of 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. - thanks, guys), and I felt kind of bad about leaving Sarah at home to wait for them.

But screw it, I went anyway! And here I am in my biohazard survivalist gear.

I didn't wanna wear zombie makeup, I kind of hate putting on that stuff (and I didn't feel like ruining any of my clothes), but it isn't right to tag along as a civilian, so I put together this outfit.

The cool part was I frequently heard people say "That costume is REALLY creepy," because you couldn't see any of my skin or face (underneath the gas mask I wore one of those invisibility hoods).

So how was ZombieCon? It was pretty fun! As you know, I love wearing costumes and getting my picture taken, but I probably would have had more fun if I went with a group of friends.

Things that were cool: Seeing people dressed up like zombies, natch. The Disco Zombie. Getting a feel for a zombie stampede of the Manhattan Mall. Walking through Halloween Adventure. People looking at me warily.

Things that weren't so cool: The puddle of water that condensed inside my gas mask and occasionally spilled out. People not getting into character - I saw too many zombies with cell phones and cameras. And a lot of them were pretty lively for dead people. At the very least, I'd hoped for more shambling and groaning.

But I'm guilty of this, too, I went mostly to take pictures, but it's like I learned at Dragon*Con - you can either be the photographer or the model, but not both.

I conked out around midway through the afternoon (mingling with zombies is hard work!), and I ended up heading home before things got interesting - namely, the invasion of Wall Street and the after party.

I'll be back next year... unless there's a real zombie attack before then, in which case I can relive the magic every day.

ZombieCon '08

2008-10-17T13:20:00.002-04:00

Q. Do I wanna go to ZombieCon tomorrow?

A. Yes, I think I do.

Death Note II: The Recap

2008-10-16T09:45:00.002-04:00

It was... OK.

The dub was fine, I stopped noticing after a while.

Chairman Kaga did indeed play Light's dad, which was exciting.

They took some interesting departures from the manga. One pretty important character was entirely different (sex, occupation, raison d'etre, etc.)... which is why I was so incorrect in naming the people on the poster.

And there was a lot of humor in it! I can only think of one line in the manga that made me laugh ("Why is this girl always hugging things?" which I'm sure is very unhilarious out of context), but the movie had a number of good bits.

But what I didn't like, aside from the crazy people who had to shout comments all the time (this was a pretty low-key screening, who WERE those people?! Fans? Lunatics? Or are just so many people idiots and a-holes that they feel they're allowed to say hilarious things all the time?), was the way it ended.

And no spoilers, but Death Note (the manga) is pretty long. This sequel was still midway through the story arc, but then they conclusively ended it.

It's like if, during Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, they were like, "You know what? We're not gonna make anymore Harry Potter movies. But we shot 3/4 of this film. Let's just write a new ending, and have that be the finale of the series."

I was surprised, but not in a good way.

When we exited the theater, someone with a camera asked us what we thought of the movie. Don't be fooled, I just said "I really liked it" out of politeness.

Food: Cheers and Jeers

2008-10-15T14:29:00.003-04:00

Cheers to Swiss Chard, and to the new cafeteria, in general.

Some time ago, the Lodge changed their food providers, and I must say there's a distinct raise in quality amongst the food. And the prices ain't bad, to boot.

Today they offered Swiss Chard, which I had never eaten before. But I like leafy green things that aren't iceberg lettuce, so I decided to Year of Yes it. And it was pretty good! Tasted basically the same as broccoli rabe or spinach. And I'm pretty sure eating this will add valuable months to my lifespan.

Jeers to Lula's Sweet Apothecary, a vegan ice cream parlor that Sarah, Lynn and I had planned to visit before seeing Death Note II.

Not that I have anything against vegan ice cream (it tastes terrific), but they get a jeer for this:

Closed?! Damn it! That's just unacceptable (barring, of course, family emergencies or the like). Doesn't Lula know that the best way to disappoint Kirks who want ice cream is to close down the ice cream parlor on the specific day they're gonna get it?

Actually, the best way to disappoint Kirks is to have them excitedly rush up to the storefront, see that it's closed, press their faces sadly against the window, read all the varieties of ice cream they will not get to choose, wonder how they're gonna kill an hour before seeing the movie, decide to go to Cold Stone Creamery to get one of those kick-ass Cake 'n' Shake milkshakes (that have real pieces of yellow cake in them), then forget where the nearest Cold Stone Creamery is, never find it, go see if Dinosaur Hill has re-opened yet, see that it hasn't, sigh heavily, get in a crappy mood, try to find decent discount clothes at the Urban Outfitters on 2nd Ave., don't find shit, then arrive late for the movie so they have to sit in a sucky area.

At least I can now skip all that nonsense and look up 1) that Dinosaur Hill is still closed and 2) where Cold Stone is (it's on Astor Place, that's right, it's near where Barnes & Noble used to be. That's why I wouldn't have been able to find it, I thought it was on 2nd Ave. somewhere).

Shinigami

2008-10-14T10:02:00.002-04:00

I'm going to a special screening of this tomorrow:

I'm pretty psyched... though a bit skeptical. It's a sequel to the first Death Note movie, which I haven't seen, but I've read a lot of the manga and have really, really enjoyed it.

It's about a guy who finds a book that, if you write someone's name in it, that person will die. And the guy decides to change the world by killing criminals.

Why am I skeptical? Two words: English dub. I hate 'em with a passion, and would rather just read subtitles. I tried to watch an episode of the anime (I think they screen it on Cartoon Network), but had to turn it off in five minutes because the voice actors were so, so bad.

This'll be the first movie I've seen in a theater since The Dark Knight.

Equus? Heck, yes!

2008-10-13T10:01:00.002-04:00

Pam and Michael Martin are taking me to see Equus on Thursday as a birthday present, and I'm pretty psyched about it. Actually, I'm always pretty psyched about something, and after the suck-month that was September (Sucktember), I'm glad October is gearing out to be pretty good.

Back in the day, Pam and MM and I used to see all sorts of show's during what is now known as "Broadway's Renaissance." We'd seen Xanadu, Grey Gardens, Frost/Nixon, and now, keeping in the tradition of seeing shows with only one or two words, Equus, which is not only creepy as heck, but features Harry Potter naked (or so I've been told).

I feel that this almost makes up for me not getting to see Hamlet with David Tennant and Patrick Stewart in England, for sadly that trip didn't prove feasible in this time of economic and social uncertainty.

In conclusion, Thursday!

PS: That headline was the best Equus pun/rhyme I could come up with. If you have a better one, please leave it as a comment.

A Surefire Cure for a Cold

2008-10-08T12:34:00.002-04:00

I'm healing, slowly but surely. Last night seems to be the worst of it.

And I'm pretty amazed that Sarah was able to move so much furniture and get settled into the new apartment while waylaid with this cold. This proves she's got a higher Constitution than me.

Almost everyone I know is sick, and everyone's got their own cold remedies, but this one worked really well for me.

My supervisor came over and asked me if I'd ever heard of the old Internet meme, "How is babby formed?"

I had not, so she directed me to that site. Watching it 10 times in a row, laughing very hard and silently, really cleared out my head and lungs.

But, I suspect it's like Brigadoon, in that it only works if you've never seen it before.

Four Previews of Upcoming Posts

2008-10-07T10:10:00.004-04:00

I apologize for the lack of updates, but (1) moving into a new apartment will do that for you. Even simply moving four blocks in Astoria isn't cheap or easy or quick. Moving sucks!

During my absence, I also (2) celebrated my birthday with my new favorite dessert, sticky toffee pudding. It's delicious!

And then yesterday I (3) ordered my plane tickets for Thanksgiving... looks like Sarah and I are going to Disney World! My first time back in almost eight years, whoa!

And finally, (4) I caught a cold. It sucks!

There May Be Giants

2008-09-29T12:52:00.005-04:00

Here's some concert clips I found on YouTube, and the set list. Seriously, what an awesome show. West Virginia!

S-E-X-X-Y

Unsupervised, I Hit My Head

Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Time

Cowtown

I'm super-psyched that they're gonna be doing a monthly concert series.

Flansburgh and Linnell's Miracle Elixir

2008-09-28T20:51:00.002-04:00

I'm cured, and I owe it all to Flansburgh and Linnell's Miracle Elixir! And rest assured, this is no ordinary tantimonious tonic, but a magical medicine of music and melody!

Because, really, I'm talking about They Might Be Giants and their concert last night at Le Poisson Rouge.

Yesterday I finally decided that I was done with being sick and tired, and if my wisdom teeth weren't gonna heal, eff it, I'd just return to my regular life and let them catch up. Because, seriously, a week and a half of only oatmeal and milkshakes gets to you.

So I bought some solid food and tried to eat it. I never realized that a Subway sandwich was so tall. Apparently I can't open my mouth as wide as I used to, but I was triumphant in my quest.

A minor, minor victory, and I wish that I could say it was the best sub I've ever had, or it was this delectable return to solid foods, but it was just all right.

Then, because I didn't want to spend another night cooped up indoors, I decided to see the TMBG concert.

And at first I regretted it. I felt a little woozy on painkillers, standing in place waiting for the show to start was hard, and I just really wanted to rest, but when John and John came on stage... seriously, I was cured.

It was like a blast of energy from the sun (which is not a mass of incandescent gas, actually, but a miasma of incandescent plasma) and boom, Kirk was back.

I bopped and enjoyed a good 90-minute set where they played at least one song from every one of their albums. And let me tell you, They Might Be Giants puts on a great show. I've seen them easily a dozen times since moving to New York, and I have to say this was one of my favorite concerts. Three or four encores! And they played "Cowtown" and "I Hit My Head," neither of which I'd heard live before.

This was probably my favorite Year of Yes moment so far.

The Seventh Plague...

2008-09-26T01:49:00.004-04:00

This morning I woke up to discover my upper body was covered in red bumps.

What the frack?! First wisdom teeth, then infection, now a rash? What next, frogs and locusts?

My first two thoughts were bedbugs (my biggest NYC-related fear, more than crime or terrorist attack, is getting bedbugs) or chicken pox (never had 'em, so when they come, it'll be terrible), but I didn't feel itchy or achey, so, seriously, what the frack?

When my doctor was finally able to see me, she figured it out in about a minute: allergic reaction to penicillin.

Which, truth be told, isn't so bad. A little confusing, because I only got the rash after I stopped taking antibiotics, but it's more of a harmless oddity when compared to the never-ending pain in my jaw.

She had some bad news, though: the rash was still in its early stages, and if it got worse and spread to my throat (ugh), I'd have difficulty breathing and should go to the emergency room ASAP to prevent death.

I guess when you've gotta heighten the ordeal, you go from pain to more pain to death, right? Thankfully, though, I've been OK... so far, and the rash has spread to my legs instead of my precious, precious insides.

But now I'm dreading falling asleep and waking up to the next plague.

My Friend Elysia

2008-09-24T13:14:00.004-04:00

(I'm sick of writing about my stupid wisdom teeth.)

Elysia is one of my oldest and best friends. We met in high school, performed together in the Florida Renaissance Festival, and when I graduated I was sort of an asshat and said something like, "Well, we probably won't keep in touch after this," something I later regretted and she points out just about every time we see each other.

She moved to LA, I moved to NYC, both of us doing our thing, and then a few years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Sucks! At the age of 24. Double sucks!

(I feel it's OK to include this photograph because it's on her website.) But this is her on the night before her first surgery. Seriously, that's an amazing rack (and I'm sure Elysia wouldn't mind me saying that, since that's the kind of friendship we have). And she's an amazing person, too. Funny. Nice smell. A class act, all the way.

Also... she's in space!

Anyway, she recuperated, time passed, she made an amazing short video called Lose Weight With Cancer, she's worked tirelessly to help other people dealing with cancer, and now... she needs some help.

She's getting surgery on November 5th to cure her right arm of Lymphedema. I don't know a lot of the details (though it's all mentioned on her website), but it turns out her insurance won't cover this. This seems ridiculous and unfair to me, right? But while she fights the man and tries to prevent this from happening to other cancer survivors, she also needs help to get this surgery done.

The Elysia Skye Breast Cancer Organization

Elysia is asking (and I'm asking on her behalf) if people could donate $1 to help her out. I figure there's about a dozen readers on this blog each day, here's the link to donate, if we raise $25, that's pretty good. $1 is ridiculously low, it's ridiculously easy, and it does make a difference.

Year of Yes it, people! Please!

Mending... I Think.

2008-09-23T12:47:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I went to the dentist, and it seems I do have an infection. But, he explained, there wasn't anything he could really do about it, since I'm still on antibiotics and on painkillers. Hopefully they'll take care of it, and if not, then they'll try something else.

I'm not surprised by the unhelpfulness of this advice - he's the third dentist to look at me, so wasn't fully briefed. At first he thought I had been hit with a hockey puck, as a matter of fact.

I left with the understanding that I'd return for a follow-up appointment sometime soon, I think in the next two days (when my antibiotics run out).

Tried to go to work, but didn't last long. I started to get super nauseous, and had to leave. Very unfortunate, because I ended up having to cancel a job interview.

One piece of good news, though... they moved back our final day to "some time in October." Even though that's pretty darn vague, every little bit helps.

I spent most of yesterday in misery, stayed home from work today, and then woke up around noon feeling... better. Like my fever has broken. I still hurt, I'm still requiring painkillers every couple of hours, but I feel like my jaw has mended and my teeth are moving back into place.

The stitches finally came out of my mouth, it was weird having this little string in there. I wanted to rip it out, but wisely resisted that temptation.

I'm supposed to direct a rehearsal tonight and have a show later, but doubt I'll be able to do either.

I really hope this is my final post on the matter. Wisdom teeth suck.

Re: Ugh.

2008-09-21T19:14:00.003-04:00

After reading that last entry, two people advised I call my dentist's emergency number, so I decided to listen to them. As Dave said, an infection by one's windpipe is a serious matter.

The doc didn't really know what to tell me - I'm already taking painkillers and antibiotics (forgot to mention the latter in previous entries, so it probably seemed like I was more likely to get an infection), and he advised I call the office in the morning and get in there some time tomorrow.

That's what I'll do, then. Also, tomorrow I have a job interview, so I'm banking on it being an absolutely terrific Monday for me.

Ugh.

2008-09-21T11:27:00.002-04:00

I don't know if my wisdom teeth are getting better. In fact, I think they're getting worse.

My jaw feels like I just got punched really hard, and it only goes away when I've taken a painkiller. It looks normal, but it feels kind of lumpy, like I have swollen lymph nodes or something.

I'm afraid it's infected, but won't be able to do anything about it until tomorrow, when I can call the dentist. And if it IS infected, I hope they do something about it by Thursday, otherwise, I'm pretty screwed.

Opening my mouth hurts, so eating (still on oatmeal, pudding and juice) is difficult and painful. I can't take my pills until after I've eaten, so it's a catch-22.

I continue to hate everything.

Addendum...

2008-09-18T09:15:00.004-04:00

Shortly after posting last night's entry, I started to feel super nauseous, don't know if it was because of the antibiotics or if the bloody gauze was finally getting the better of me.

I willed myself to not throw up (a special power I have - I can stop it by doing multiplication problems in my head), and then stumbled off to bed.

This morning I woke up with the grossest mouth I've ever had, but decided it was time to eat. I haven't eaten anything since about 2 p.m. yesterday, and that was just soup and orange juice.

And so now I have breakfast. It sucks. I have orange juice, which is pretty easy, and I have oatmeal, which is pretty hard. I don't want the food to touch my healing wounds and infect them or anything, so it's hard sliding it straight down my throat. And I can't tell if I'm still bleeding or not.

It also sucks because I don't really get to savor the taste of these delicious Quaker Oats, the oatmeal's gotta go straight for my empty chasm of a stomach.

But at least for dessert I get some painkillers... and maybe some pudding.

This is how I look and feel this morning, right down to what I'm wearing:

I Got My Wisdom Teeth Removed and All I Got Was This Lousy Bloody Wisdom Tooth

2008-09-17T22:23:00.002-04:00

The stories people told me about wisdom teeth have run the gamut from it being God-awful torture to being no biggie, so I had no idea what to expect. Also, my body is weirdly resilient to a lot of injury, but I also have a low pain threshold and a strong aversion to blood. Would I bounce back immediately, or would I scream and faint like a cartoon dowager?

With Jen Mac patiently waiting for me in the waiting room, I ventured forth to meet my destiny.

And you know what? It sucked.

I decided to splurge on the nitrous oxide, not just because of the obvious reasons, but because I was really interested in experiencing it. You know, scientific observation and all that. Most people tell me the gas makes them forget everything, then are ridiculously incoherent for X amount of time afterward. And I totally wanted to get in on that.

Now I'm not sure what's up with my body chemistry, but either the gas tanks weren't working properly or I'm immune, because I never felt any different. Throughout the entire procedure (about 75 minutes), I felt totally in my right mind. Not even mildly buzzed or anything. I even questioned them afterward, like, "Are you SURE those tanks were set up properly?"

As for the procedure itself, it wasn't so bad. The dentist decided to leave one in because it isn't hurting anybody and is dangerously close to a nerve. The two on top were easy-breezy-Cover Girl, they said it only took about two minutes to remove both of them.

That part is the only reason I think the gas might have worked - I remember them putting little clamps or something on my teeth, but I have no memory whatsoever of them removing my uppers.

The bulk of my time in the chair was spent on Mr. Lower Right, the problem child that was impacted and pretty much entirely horizontal. They worked on that asshole for about an hour, and had to smash him up and extract him, piece by piece.

And this is where it was dreadful. Not only was it boring, but it hurt! They say it was because of the proximity to the nerve, but man, you know what sucks? Feeling something drill into your jaw.

Worse than the pain was the feeling of blood spurting in my mouth. I was all numbed up, so thankfully I couldn't taste it, but I knew what it was, and that grossed me the eff out. Typing this now, with a mouthful of bloody gauze, I get nauseous. And the thought of me constantly swallowing a spit/blood combo for the next many hours is just as awful.

And then there was the boredom. I thought the dentist was pretty mean to the assistant, and people just walked in and asked questions. It was all very casual. Which I guess is good, it means this wasn't a tricky procedure, but at the same time, let the man work. There were times I wished I had my phone with me so I could text people about how shitty of a time I was having (what a horrible text to receive), or maybe play Mr. Do's Castle.

But I exited the surgery totally coherent, totally fine. They let me keep one of the uppers (the other one was too disgusting, they said), but both of 'em were in pretty sorry shape. Decayed and stuff, which I don't understand, since they were under the gum. This surprised the assistant, too (she's new). I wish I could post a picture, but I already accidentally ate the damn thing.

Turns out I didn't need Jen Mac to drag me home, I felt totally normal, just with a numb jaw. So home I went, bought a lot of soft foods (I hope my roommate likes pudding, because I accidentally bought twice as much as I planned), took a Vicodin, and continued calling places about apartments.

Sarah came over soon after, and although I couldn't eat (I refuse to eat until my mouth is no longer bloody), I got to at least smell the pizza she made. It was good.

Then, as the Novocaine died, my jaw felt worse and worse until I was just about ready to cry, because it's all so tedious. My jaw is tired, I'm sick of holding it open to fit around this damn gauze, it aches constantly, and there's always blood, always blood.

The Vicodin, like the nitrous oxide, had zero effect... at first. Later, after taking a stronger dosage (is that illegal?), my jaw started returning to normal and I finally felt well enough to write this entry.

And that's, I say for the last time, the tooth!

Kirk Loses 4 Wisdom (Teeth)

2008-09-16T23:09:00.003-04:00

September is a month chock full of ch-ch-ch-changes. There's losing my job (oh, yes, and they moved our final day up to September 25th), looking for an apartment with Sarah, buying Carcassonne, and let's not forget that oral surgery.

When last I blogged about it, it didn't seem likely that I'd be able to get these pesky wisdom teeth removed. I had that tentative appointment for October 1st, but it was mostly dependent on whether or not my benefits would extend past my last day of work. Tooth be told, I wasn't expecting it to happen.

But everything changed today when the dentist office called and said they could move my appointment up to tomorrow.

TOMORROW?

That's pretty soon, and not much time to plan/ready myself (surgery scares me), but you gotta do what you gotta do. So I'm getting it done tomorrow.

This wouldn't be possible without some wonderful people, like my understanding supervisor, who is letting me take two vacation days on such short notice, and Jen Mac, who's agreed to help haul my drugged-out, bloody-mouthed self home afterward.

So that's it. The next time I post I'll be minus four wisdom teeth. I'll try and blog while still under the influence of anesthesia, that could be interesting.

Year of Yes: The Movie

2008-09-14T00:34:00.005-04:00

http://yesisthenewno.warnerbros.com/

They took my blog and made a movie!

Starring Jim Carrey.

Noooooooooo!

And That's the Tooth!

2008-09-11T09:50:00.004-04:00

I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth taken out this morning, but due to a family emergency on the oral surgeon's part, it got canceled.

And that ain't good.

We're getting laid off around the end of the month, and that means an end to my insurance. There's no way I can afford this surgery without coverage, so I really wanted to get these bastards removed in September.

I just called the dentist office, asked if I could maybe get an earlier date with the other surgeon, and they said it can be done on October 1st... which is the alleged day of the layoffs.

So it'll be tricky, tricky, tricky, timing-wise... I hope I can pull it off.

Dragon*Con: The Recap (Part III)

2008-09-09T09:55:00.001-04:00

Something I forgot to mention about Dragon*Con: the art auction! Throughout the weekend, there was a big room of original art, and you could bid on the pieces through a silent auction.

I first went on Saturday, and immediately forgot my years of eBay training and just bid on some stuff - two paintings of Doctor Who as a hamster (the Fourth Doctor and Tenth Doctor) and four super-cheap drawings of Universal Studios monsters.

Then I realized, "Crap, bidding on these is binding, and I might not be able to fit all these in my suitcase." I returned to check and see if I was still the high bidder, but the Who hamsters went fast (damn it) and I eventually lost the monsters, too. So the art auction was all for naught.

But anyway, Sunday, bloody Sunday. Woke up, breakfasted with Kalika, and went to a panel on Doctor Who. At first, I was impressed by this kid dressed up as the 10th Doctor, but my respect for him waned as he quickly got bored and pulled out a Game Boy DS. Can't say I blame him, though, the panel spoke more about their opinion on the series rather than any interesting spoilers or insights.

My favorite part is when a girl dressed up as Neil Gaiman's Death (always a popular costume) asked something about the "Dialects." This confused everyone until they realized she meant "Daleks." This should give you an idea of the lameness of the panel, if this was my favorite moment.

Ainsley and I then headed to the Miss Klingon Universe Beauty Pageant. This, too, was a bit disappointing. I had high expectations for the talent competition (who wouldn't?), but it was plagued with microphone problems. One Klingon sang "Baby Got Back" with different lyrics. Two did comedic sketches. And one gave the Klingon marriage speech and dedicated it to Michael Dorn (Worf), who was one of the judges. That was pretty awesome, and then Michael Dorn went onstage and gave her a huge, dramatic stage kiss. But she still didn't win.

I spent another several hours with Cakey, and then got dressed for the Harry Potter Yule Ball. I wore my priest outfit again (since I didn't think the gnome attire was appropriate for the nightlife), and even though Lynn and Kalika repeated warned me about this dance, I was super-psyched.

It was simultaneously the worst and best part of Dragon*Con. The worst, because it was mostly awkward, overweight teens who are obsessed with Harry Potter. And the best, because Lynn and I were dancing in the middle of them. Granted, we got there at about 11:30, when most of the party died down (imagine parents also dressed in Harry Potter gear, patiently waiting for their kids. Oh, man, it makes me cringe in the most delicious way ever), so we missed it at its peak, but one girl DID fall down while dancing. Oh, God, that's cruel and it still makes me laugh. She fell down right next to us!

Note: This was also the only place I drank alcohol during the entire convention.

I am totally going to the Yule Ball again next year.

Oh, but we did witness one thing of beauty. As we were leaving, these three little kids (maybe 8 years old at the most) ran by, screaming and throwing glitter. And I thought, "I don't know if I'll ever have as much fun in my life as those kids are having right now," because they were really having a blast.

The nice part is thinking how they had to gather the glitter, like scraping it up from the floor, until they had enough to fill up their tiny fists. Then they organized it, "OK, on the count of three, we're gonna run and throw the glitter!" And then doing it.

That might have been my favorite moment of Dragon*Con.

Within 15 minutes, we left headed for the Mad Scientist Ball. It was filled to capacity, we waited in line, but when we got in, the dance party was over and instead it was a concert by ArcAttack!, a "high-tech musical collaborative, utilizing robotic drums, singing Tesla coils, sewer pipe organs, and other homemade musical instruments." Tesla coils! Purple lightning! Video game music (most of which I sadly couldn't identify)!

And then after that, we finally found an amazing dance party that was playing all '80s music (my favorite kind of music), but by that point, I was too tired and sore to really move much. 18 hours of holding Cakey will do that to you, and I finally gave up and went to bed.

And that, my friends, was Dragon*Con! Amazingly, the only outfit I didn't wear was the gnome one. Who woulda thunk?

Cakey's in Entertainment Weekly!

2008-09-08T12:22:00.003-04:00

Whee! This is very exciting.

Dread: The Recap

2008-09-07T20:49:00.003-04:00

Playing Dread not once, but twice in one weekend was a pretty daunting (and amazing) task. I'd never run the game before, my Disney game wasn't that well-prepared, and most of the Ghosty Teens had no idea what an RPG even was, so I wasn't sure how things would turn out.

First, the Ghosty Teens. We had eight characters: a Leader, a Brain, a Beauty, a Bully, a Talking Beagle, an Idiot, and the Bully's Kid Sister. A good bunch, although I'd say eight is probably too many people for me to handle.

Even though they were unfamiliar with RPGs, most of the group was made up of experienced improvisers, and everyone took to it very quickly. The game, in fact, was pretty darn funny.

I love the use of questionnaires in Dread, it's a lot like an opening in an improv show where you get details that you can later use. For example, I asked the Brain, "You're related to a famous celebrity. Who is it, and why don't the two of you get along?" and he answered, "My stepdad is famed basketball player Shaquille O'Neal. He never listens to me and his inventions often work better than mine."

So that helped me right there - Shaq became an important NPC in the mystery (he is the owner of the Natural History Museum, in fact) - and it's little things like this that helped me realize I don't have to prepare a Dread game that much: I can just write an outline with a lot of blanks, and have those blanks filled in by the players' questionnaires.

The only thing worse than describing a convention is describing an RPG in detail, so I won't tell all about The Mystery in the Museum, but it was fun and came to a satisfying conclusion: The Beauty (long-haunted by the fact that she had to eat her little brother to survive) redeemed herself by shooting a gun out of the villain's hand.

I kept expecting the Jenga Tower to fall (since that's the thing about Dread - when someone knocks down the Tower, their character dies), but they made it through without any fatalities... except for the villain. The Bully tackled him and put a sack (containing a poisonous snake) over his head.

I am amazed and pleased that this game was kind of similar to our old Ghosty Teen shows.

As for Disney Zombies... this would be different. I'd be with experienced gamers, including someone who writes games for Call of Cthulhu. And I didn't want the game to be a run-of-the-mill zombie survival story with just Disney characters. And I wasn't as prepared as I'd like.

But it still turned out fine. We had seven players: Scar (from The Lion King), Clayton (from Tarzan), Sally (from The Nightmare Before Christmas), Gonzo (from The Muppets - technically he's not a Disney animated character, but he was too much fun to deny), Huey (from DuckTales), and Mulan and Mushu (both of Mulan). Seven also might be too many players for me: 4-6 is probably my ideal number.

I'd expected (and hoped for) some personality clashes between Scar and Clayton, the two villains, and characters that would never get along, since one is a villainous lion and the other is a villainous hunter. They both were prepared to backstab the other, but sadly, it never came to a pass (though there were several times Clayton showed me the note, "I'm going to shoot Scar.").

I'd like to keep this game's plot under wraps, since I hope to run it again as a short campaign instead of a one-shot, but it went really well.

Despite having zombie-fighting "tanks" Clayton (armed with a rifle and six bullets) Mulan (armed with a sword and 10 arrows), the heroes of the game were Gonzo and Mushu.

Gonzo, with his rocket-powered roller skates and a portable cannon he could use to launch himself, showed an insane amount of bravery (maybe you could call it recklessness), and showed even more heart. He'd often do things that seemed suicidal (I even asked, in a very unbiased way, "Wait... are you sure you want to fire yourself into that dark and scary courtyard?"), but true to character, always came out unscathed. And I was touched that he did his best to take care of a dying bird.

Mushu was the same, he'd often pull from the Tower with the intent to fail and die, but he successfully crawled up the pants of the Mad Hatter, detonated his stash of fireworks to blow up an entire zombie horde, knocked a chandelier on an approaching zombie, and used his shinju-kyo (spirit mirror) to save Huey's life.

Sadly, though, in the final moments of the game, someone knocked over the Tower. Sally was pulled under the many coins of the Money Bin (presumably by Scrooge McDuck), and her body could not be recovered.

Though the game ended with a victory for the players, it also ended with a big "The End?" and already, I'm thinking about getting another game together.

I Heart Dread (the RPG)

2008-09-05T10:06:00.003-04:00

As mentioned earlier, this weekend will mark my return to running a gaming table, and not just once, but twice. So get ready, I'm taking a break from my nerdy Dragon*Con recaps to write about something even nerdier: role-playing games.

The name of the game is Dread, "a game of horror and hope," and I've been kind of obsessed with it for the past few months.

Instead of using stats and dice to determine a character's abilities and skills (which is something I've never really loved), characters are created by answering a unique questionnaire, and any sort of conflict resolution is decided by pulling a block from a Jenga tower. If the tower falls, that character is somehow removed from the game.

As the tower gets closer to collapsing, the game gets very, very tense. I love it.

Tonight's game is a Ghosty Teen Mystery, featuring some of the people who played in an improvised show of the same name. This'll be the first time any of them has played an RPG before, but gaming is basically the same as improvising, so I'm not worried.

Tomorrow's game is an idea I've been obsessed with for the past few weeks: Disney Zombies. I'm very psyched for this, and would like to do a short campaign set in this world. The players will play any animated character from a Disney show or film (within reason - no Hades or Willie the Giant). So far, people have expressed interest in playing Clayton from Tarzan, Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas, Tinker Bell and Darkwing Duck. It's gonna be good.

(Incidentally, I'd love to hear who you would play in a Disney Zombies game, since it'll help me prep for tomorrow. My choice is obvious; he's the greatest Disney hero of all time: Scrooge McDuck.)

I wish I could go into more detail for both games, but some of the players read this blog, so it'll have to wait until the recap.

And so, game on!

Dragon*Con: The Recap (Part III)

2008-09-04T14:26:00.004-04:00

Saturday (Day Two)
The hotel screwed up our reservations. We were supposed to get a room with three beds, but when we arrived, they said that wasn't possible, as a roll-away would constitute a fire hazard. They failed to mention our room had a small purple couch, so in the end the bed situation didn't matter, but as way of apology, they offered some free breakfast vouchers.

Since Lynn is a vegan and Kalika usually sleeps late, I got to enjoy two of the vouchers. I win! It was a breakfast buffet, nothing worth writing home to mama about, but the only thing better than breakfast is free breakfast, you know?

Anyway, after eating and dressing, Cakey and I did our thing all afternoon. Oddly, some of his biggest fans include middle-aged women, furries (maybe they think puppetry is one step away from being a furry?), and porny ladies. Cakey reaches across the entire spectrum, apparently.

I also spent some time at the merch tables (there were at least three huge rooms of merch, maybe more) and bought my goggles and computer game. I'm not that into merch (do I really need a t-shirt of some cult movie?), so it's easy for me to not spend money, but there was one Year of Yes moment that might have been a fail, and that moment had to do with a leather mask dealer.

I'm not in dire need of a leather mask (imagine what a superhero would wear over his eyes), but I'm not opposed to them, either. The cheapest of these was $45, which is expensive, and it didn't look great on me. I figured if I ever needed a mask like that, I could get a cheap plastic one at the costume store.

BUT... they had these $20 Mystery Boxes, each of which would hold something worth considerably more than $20. I saw them sell two, they had maybe eight left, and both people got nice, expensive masks. A bargain! I love bargains! And I love mysteries!

But I thought... do I need to buy this? And what if it isn't even a mask, but a leather collar or wristband or something useless that I couldn't even give as a gift? I was still undecided, so I decided to continue walking around, and circle back. About 10 minutes later, I decided, "Eff it, I can spend $20, and I'll totally use that mask for something" and walked back, only to find all the Mystery Boxes had been sold.

It still haunts me to this day.

That night, I changed into my (maskless) priest outfit and made my way out for the big Saturday fun. I had high hopes, since Friday was a pretty good time, but I have to say, Saturday kind of sucked.

The lines for just about everything were ridonkulous, but we did get into some burlesque show. I've seen literally over 100 acts of burlesque; I performed in the 1st Annual New York Burlesque Festival, so it takes a lot to thrill me. And this particular show... wasn't my cup of tea (read: good). We all left during the second act. A man in the audience, seeing a priest leave, asked with genuine concern, "Are y'all offended?"

Nope, just bored.

I finally opted to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show at like 2:30 a.m., about an hour behind schedule. They had a lot of trouble getting the DVD to play (which led to some pretty great catcalls). I've seen Rocky... too many times, and I was hoping the Atlanta cast would knock it out of the park, but they didn't.

In-between all the shenanigans and failures, I kept returning to the event where I should've been all night. It was in the huge ballroom that held the previous night's rave, yet it was mostly empty - less than 100 people were ever in there when I checked in.

And all night, they were just showing random TV clips. Something with Ricky Gervais, then some You Bet Your Life bits with Groucho Marx and Jack Benny, then an insane preview of a sitcom starring Mickey Rooney, Dana Carvey and Nathan Lane. Random stuff. It was insane and mesmerizing and very entertaining. And I bet it would've been life-changing to someone who was high.
At one point they played the old Tootsie Roll commercial, and everyone started singing along, myself included.

I should've stayed there longer, I hit this weird hypnotic state of tranquility while watching Lurch from The Addams Family sing a song while backed up by dancing cuties.

And, really, that was how I ended my Saturday night, alone and dressed like a priest, still awed by the glowing randomness that is television.

Dragon*Con: The Recap (Part II)

2008-09-03T19:40:00.003-04:00

Let's reminisce! Gonna take it in the same way Schneider would, one day at a time. And the order of events might be a little off, please forgive me, we were up till about 4 a.m.

Friday (Day One)
Lynn, Kalika and I arrived in Atlanta in the evening (reminder: next year leave on Thursday night or super-early on Friday), and by the time we checked in to the hotel, ate dinner, got our badges and changed into our eveningwear, most of the events were done for the day (including, I am sad to say, a Cinematic Titanic presentation of The Wasp Woman featuring Joel Hodgson, Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu, which I really wanted to see). But that was OK, as there was still plenty of partying to do.

I wore my Ghostbusters uniform, since I didn't really have any idea what the convention would be like, and thought this was a safe choice. I even got a few compliments, my favorite one was a guy just hissing, "Venkman... Venkman!" in a pretty good Ray Stantz impression as we passed each other on the stairs.

Most of that night was spent walking around and looking at other people's costumes, which, as I've said before is one of my favorite things. A random search on flickr should give you a good idea of what was there, and I took a bunch of pictures which will hopefully be uploaded to my own account by the end of the week.

And lest you think we're a bunch of wallflowers, of course we took some time out to dance in one of the dance rooms. The cool thing about Dragon*Con is that every night there are one or two dance parties going on, and they're usually themed. This one was called "XTrack Party," and its theme seemed to just be "rave" or "generic dance party."

But it was still pretty good, and was probably the most fun I had dancing that weekend - mostly because I was still fresh. I have but one regret, and that is not dancing with Ms. Marvel, or at least telling her that her costume was amazing. It really was.

There was also some obligatory visiting of the Drum Circle room, which I believe is a tradition of Lynn's and Ainsley's, though it's not my cup of tea, and then we caught the end of a concert by The Protomen.

This is where things got bad. During their final number, one of the band members jumped from the stage. I think he was intending to crowd dive, but he jumped where there was no one standing, right over the heads of Ainsley and Bob, and he landed badly. Very badly, like, he didn't get up.

At first, I thought he might be doing it on purpose and faking, since who would intentionally land head first on the ground? But a few seconds passed, Ainsley knelt down by him to check on him, and pretty soon she was getting a security guard.

It was disturbing as heck, I honestly thought he could be dead, his body was just limp and splayed out, but Ainsley said he was at least responding to her saying, "Don't get up, don't move, help is on the way." And before that, he was trying to get up, so that makes me believe he didn't injure his neck or spine too badly.

We didn't see the EMTs take him away (though we did see them wheel in a stretcher), and I can't find any news on the Internet, but I hope he's OK. If anyone knows of anything, please let me know.

It's strange, going from having a good time to being awed and silenced by the fragility of human life, but that was basically how I ended my first night at the con.

Dragon*Con: The Recap (Part I)

2008-09-02T13:12:00.008-04:00

So, Curious Jorge, you wanna know about Dragon*Con?

Well, it was pretty terrific. One of the most fun weekends I've ever had... and that says a lot.

And I didn't really do too much, either. I only attended one panel (on Doctor Who, and it wasn't nearly as revealing as I would've liked), skipped all the role-playing games (since I'm running two, yes, two, games this weekend, so I'll get my fill soon enough), and was pretty frugal on merch (I think I just bought goggles with 3-D lenses, a homemade computer RPG, and some gifts).

So what did I do, then, that made this such an awesome vacation?

In a word, Cakey.

For most of Saturday and Sunday, about 18 hours total, Cakey and I walked around, met people, got our photo taken, and handed out stickers. And it was a LOT of fun, more fun than I can put into words without making this entry too self-promoting.

From this n00b's perspective, a big part of Dragon*Con is taking pictures of people in costumes. I love doing it, but instead was one of the people getting their picture taken, because a talking cake is a pretty interesting novelty, even at a place like Dragon*Con.

And I normally shy away from the spotlight, too, even when acting in the Renaissance Festival or announcing for roller derby. Strangers scare me, what can I say? But Cakey made it totally easy. Whoa, reading that makes me think I'm gonna end up like Scarface (the Batman villain, not Al Pacino).

But I spent all day doing this. I'd go to one hotel, do a round, and be psyched because there were all sorts of new people in costumes, and decide to go around again. And that's how 9 hours would slip by, just going between two hotels.

One of my favorite experiences (and I don't wanna bog down the blog with a lot of boring details) was meeting Silent Bob (someone dressed up like him, not the actual Kevin Smith) warily watching Cakey and me as we did our thing.

I asked if he'd like a sticker, he hesitantly nodded, and, totally in character, didn't speak. From that point on, whenever we ran into him, Cakey would gleefully scream like a baby and want to be near Silent Bob, who was pretty freaked out and would run away. It was a very true and beautiful comedic bit between two awesome dudes at a con.

Also, I'm not crazy in acting like Cakey is a real person. I'm really not.

Anyway, this is the first picture I've found of us on flickr (Cakey's distracted by the merch)...

As you can see, I'm not dressed like a Ghostbuster, a priest or a gnome, because it wouldn't make sense for any of them to be with Cakey. And I wasn't gonna wear boring civilian clothes, so I wore my roller derby announcer attire.

You know, because we're classy like that.

I was frequently mistaken for...
- Ned from Pushing Daisies, I guess because Cakey sort of looks like a pie.
- The hallucination scene from Young Sherlock Holmes, which is more conceptual than anything.
- The cake from Portal. People would constantly shout, "The cake is a lie!" to which I'd respond, "No, the cake is alive." This lost its novelty after about the 50th time I said it.

And there's really gnome more to say about the Cakey-related part of the convention.

I'll write about everything else in another (shorter) entry.

Off to Dragon*Con!

2008-08-29T08:51:00.003-04:00

In a few hours, I'll be Atlanta-bound for Dragon*Con. I still need to pack everything and read the 100+ document about all the stuff that's going on.

Looks like Atlanta will be hot and stormy, but with luck, I won't be seeing the outdoors until Monday afternoon.

Now let's get ready to party with Hermione Granger, The Baroness and Cakey!

I Get Mad

2008-08-28T09:35:00.005-04:00

I'm usually a ridiculously polite person, but something happened the other day that caused me to act in an unpolite way, and oddly enough, I feel pretty good about it.

I was walking to the bank (this in crazy crowded Times Square), and I legally crossed the street, along with an old lady. One of those black gypsy cabs/car service cars tries to turn, but is unable because we're in the way.

The driver lays down the horn. Not just honks it, but keeps his hand down on it, and starts yelling, primarily at the old lady. She says something, presumably, "But we have the right of way," and he keeps yelling at her.

Now maybe it's just the Heironean in me, but nothing gets my gander more than someone yelling at a nice old lady. Also, I was listening to some angry music (if you can consider "How I Saved Roosevelt" from the Sondheim musical Assassins angry music), so my heart was already pumping with Broadway-inspired adrenaline.

I kept walking, but smashed my fist down on the car. Pretty hard. As hard as I could, actually, and it made a terrific noise. The Times Square tourists gasped and turned and looked, and I'm glad that they got a nice Ratso Rizzo moment to tell their family. Only in New York, folks!

The driver loudly called me a nasty curseword (the M-F one, if you must know). I lowered the volume on my iPod, so I'd know if he was gonna get out of his car and confront me, but he didn't, and so I continued on my way.

Year of Yes!

Maine Recap II

2008-08-26T09:44:00.003-04:00

Don't know if I mentioned this, but Sarah and I went back to Maine last weekend.

Things I saw...
- The island that John Travolta and Kirstie Alley live on.
- The biggest mosquito I've ever seen... and that says a lot, since I used to live near the Everglades.
- Two dogs, three cats (one in a car outside a highway Burger King).
- Ghostbusters II for Game Boy, which I consider the best Game Boy game ever.
- Owl's Head Lighthouse.
- A lot of Moxie paraphernalia.
- Most of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. It was OK.
- A ghost.

Things I didn't see...
- Porpoises, seals, and/or whales (on the schooner trip).
- Lobster rolls.
- The inside of a Duchess restaurant.
- John Travolta.
- The inside of Ghost Manor at the country fair ($4? No, thanks- I can see a real ghost for free).
- Any groundhogs.

Getting to Gnome Me II

2008-08-20T09:51:00.004-04:00

The pants don't work. In fact, I'm gonna return them. They're just too baggy - you can fit both Sarah and myself in them - they're like hobo clown pants.

I should've known better, they're designed with a drawstring waist (28"-50"), and I'm on the much lower end of that spectrum. And I keep forgetting that a lot of Renaissance wear is made for folks bigger than myself.

I'm probably just gonna wear brown corduroys, instead. That way I also have the luxury of pockets.

So pants = fail.

Last night I tried on the shirt with the hat, and I feel better about the coloring. When paired together, they definitely look gnome-y.

Heather suggested I dye it a deeper color, and since it's 100% cotton, it shouldn't be too hard. Trouble is, I have zero skillz when it comes to this kind of thing, and since I'll be spending the next several days in Maine, time isn't on my side.

So we'll see about that.

If I had more time, I kind of wish I could do sort of a Tinker Gnome costume (actually, I could incorporate the Ghostbuster goggles, but I'd need a whole new outfit, really), or better yet, a Gnome of Zurich. Maybe next year.

2009 = the Year of Gnomes!

Getting to Gnome Me

2008-08-19T09:26:00.002-04:00

(Out of all the gnome puns out there - and believe me, there are a lot - this was the one I chose for my entry title.)

Dragon*Con is a week and a half away, and my suitcase is pretty packed. In addition to bringing along Cakey, I've got a priest uniform (not a costume, an actual outfit bought from a Catholic supplier), a Ghostbusters uniform (courtesy of my friend Adam), and the Slytherin uniform I haven't worn since that glorious night when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released.

Wow, that paragraph makes me seem like a really cool dude. Who am I? A really cool dude, that's who.

Last night, I got my final costume, a blue shirt/brown pants ensemble from Museum Replicas Limited that's intended for a gnome costume (I already have a red conical hat that my friend Heather knitted me last Christmas).

Now I love costumes. This should be clear. I love 'em! Any show that lets me wear a costume immediately has my interest, and my closet boasts quite a collection from all the shoots and shows I've done over the years.

But this gnome costume... it's pretty dorky. And yes, I am aware of how ridiculous that sounds, considering I think a Ghostbusters uniform to be totally awesome and appropriate. But for the first time in my life, I'm thinking, "Is this too much?"

I don't know, maybe it's the fact that it's a bit too baggy, or that the shirt is a bit too sky blue (I was hoping for something a little deeper), but it doesn't look right. Or maybe I just need to wash it to get that "new costume" crispness out, try it on with the hat, belt and satchel, and then see.

Oh, but I have no intention of wearing a beard. That's DEFINITELY too much.

Tooth or Consequences

2008-08-13T13:18:00.002-04:00

My parents were never very concerned with dental health, and they only took my brother and me to the dentist a few times. And that only got started when my brother chipped his tooth in the swimming pool. He ended up getting a root canal, we both got a bunch of fillings, and that was that. I was probably in 3rd grade at the time. We never went again.

Flash forward to post-college, and I'm about to go off my parents' insurance. I decide to see a dentist, but only end up getting a cleaning and x-rays. They tell me I have wisdom teeth, and although I don't need to get them removed right away, I should probably do it within the next ten years. "Plenty of time," I think.

Six years later, I'm working for a paparazzi company in New York City and finally have health insurance of my own. I see a dentist, get a cleaning and x-rays, get two white fillings that were supposed to be cheap, but ended up being really expensive, get pissed off and never go back.

And now, the Year of Yes. With my current employment set to end in October, I decided I better take advantage of this health insurance and do what I gotta do. That includes the dentist. After just a handful of visits in my entire life, this week I'm going three times. Three times?!

On Monday I got a cleaning and some x-rays (and was told that one of my wisdom teeth is "one unhappy tooth"), and the cleaning was actually more painful than any I remember. But I stoically made it through.

Yesterday I got four fillings (four fillings?!), and it was much more pleasant than the cleaning. I actually don't mind the dentist, unlike the doctor. I don't find the Novocaine injections to be painful or scary, and I think it's interesting to have so many foreign objects in my mouth. Plus, Dr. Handler has one of the best demeanors I've ever encountered. It was like a challenge, she said it might be hard to keep my mouth open for that long, but I did it.

Anyway, tomorrow I go back for the wisdom teeth consultation, and I'll probably set up a date for surgery. This is the big one, the scary one. Everyone with a wisdom teeth story says it's a bad experience, and requires recuperation and angst. But I want to get them removed before I lose my insurance, so hopefully it'll get done in September.

And that's the story of my teeth. I'll end with a famous proverb and then a joke, because I like wordplay.

"Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you."

That is the proverb.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth-hurty (2:30).

That is the joke.

Terry Jinn's Enormous Television 7

2008-08-06T14:19:00.003-04:00

This isn't really something I can take credit for as a Year of Yes moment, but it's incredibly awesome and I'm somewhat involved, so it deserves blogging.

Previously-mentioned friend and incredible guitarist Terry Jinn celebrates his birthday the old-fashioned way: with a covers concert.

And I don't mean he goes to see one - he makes one. In the ultimate act of Yes, for the past several years, Terry's organized and set up a "rock and roll music revue" known as Terry Jinn's Enormous Television, and asks his friends to sing a cover song.

The amount of work that goes into this is ridonk, as the ETV band has to learn a good 20 songs a year for 20 singers of various talent, let alone organizing and scheduling everything, but Terry wants to rock, so rock we shall.

And it's happening this Friday.

It is no exaggeration when I say ETV is one of my favorite nights of the year, and I am super, super psyched.

And yes, one of the bands covered is Yes.

Terry Jinn's Enormous Television 7
Friday, August 8, 2008 at 10 p.m.
Kenny's Castaways, 157 Bleecker Street (b/w Sullivan and Thompson)
No Cover

Starring: Jessica Allen, Tony Carnevale, Tara Copeland, Kirk Damato, James Eason, Brian Fountain, Dan Goodman, Kate Hess, Will Hines, Mark Lee, Marc Liepis, Jen MacNeil, Maddy Mako, Shannon Manning, Ernie Privetera, Ari Scott, Andrew Secunda, Ptolemy Slocum, Shelly Slocum

The ETV Band:
Dan Goodman - Bass
Ernie Privetera - Keyboards
Lou Iacobelli - Drums
Terry Jinn - Electric Guitar

Featuring the songs of:
The Buggles, Prince, Thin Lizzy, Cheap Trick, The Who, The Kinks, Faith No More, Bon Jovi, Jefferson Airplane, Aerosmith, The Gin Blossoms, Yes, Cream, Kathleen Edwards, Bruce Springsteen, Journey, Night Ranger, Rush, and more...

Year of Yes! You gotta be in it to Jinn it!

Dragon*Con Update

2008-07-28T10:33:00.003-04:00

The day after booking my (non-refundable) hotel room and plane ticket, I was informed that there's a pretty strong chance, say 90%, that our department is about to be cut. So by the end of August, I'll probably be out of a job.

I'm still going to Dragon*Con.

Year of Yes.

My Labor Day Weekend...

2008-07-23T17:24:00.003-04:00

will be spent at Dragon*Con.

Flight and hotel is booked.

Year of Yes!

(And yes, I will be wearing at least one costume.)

I Heart RPGs More Than Yoga

2008-07-21T12:07:00.004-04:00

Monday night is my Yoga class, but it's also the night my RPG group has decided to game. I can't do both, so which one wins?

This question isn't even worth asking - I'd rather play a role-playing game (exercise for my mind and imagination) than do Yoga (which exercises the body and, they say, the spirit) any day of the week. It's just more interesting.

We started a new game (and from here the rest of this entry's gonna get a bit... technical, so be warned), a d20 Modern campaign set in the late 1920s, a fine period for pulp horror and mystery. This is the Age of Lovecraft, after all.

When creating a PC (player character), I usually pick someone who will help round out the group - I'd rather choose last, so I see what we need, than go first and say, "I wanna play a fighter."

Not sure why I'm like this, maybe I'm an indecisive Libra and this makes it easier, or maybe I'm just a smart (yet meta) player who realizes the importance of a cohesive group. The A-Team doesn't need two B.A. Baracuses, you know?

The other PCs would be...

- A Scientist/Gadgeteer (Intelligence)
- A Boxer (Stremf)
- A Starbuck-like Aviatrix/Adventurer (Dexterity? Tough?)
- And a Rich, Spoiled, Athletic Dilettante (Stremf/Dex Combo?)

I figured the best complement to this group would be someone with good observation skills like a detective (Wisdom) or a face man (Charisma).

Due to the nature of the game, I decided to play one of my old favorites, that of a psychic. This might've been influenced by my recent reading up on Thomas Carnacki, who definitely would fall into the detective category. Yet whenever I hear the word psychic, I immediately think of our dear departed friend Criswell, who certainly belongs in the latter.

What to choose, what to choose? I wish I had written about this earlier, as it might've led me to a different conclusion. Hours before the first game, I was still agonizing over which path to take... and I went with Charisma.

(Really, the tipping point was which Prestige class I wanted... I wanted to be a Mesmerist over a Spiritualist, and the best way to get there was through Charisma. Technical!)

But very early on in the first game, I thought, "Whoa, that was a mistake," as those detective skills would certainly come in handy, while skills of diplomacy and charm, maybe not so much.

You can't sweet-talk your way past werewolves. Also, my character has absolutely no fighting skills, which come in handy when you're fighting werewolves.

And as a player, I'm much more in tune with finding clues than in dealing with people. And despite being a "performer," I always get vaguely uncomfortable acting around the gaming table.

Still, after two sessions, I'm pretty pleased with the Great Calveri. I like the idea of someone who wants to look for clues but is absolutely horrible at it. And his skills of deception have certainly made things easier once or twice.

He just needs to learn how to fire a gun or something.

I Attempt to Appreciate Art

2008-07-16T10:05:00.004-04:00

Julie had an extra ticket to the Home Delivery: Fabricating the Modern Dwelling opening at the MoMA, so I Year of Yessed and tagged along.

Art isn't really my thing (at a museum, I'm more interested in historical junk or suits of armor than paintings or photographs), but pre-fabricated houses? I love stuff like that! Sign me up.

I always get a big kick out of soirees like these, because it makes for great people watching. People are dressed conservatively or outrageously (one long-haired guy had a stripey suit and round glasses - Julie said he belonged in a Dan Clowes comic, I'd say he was from Hogwarts) or ever so stylishly in a way that annoys me.

Hogwarts guy almost won Best Person, but there was one guy, Asian, long gray hair, chubby, wearing a bright red shirt, bright red glasses, and dad jeans. He was awesome.

As Julie said, "Who would you rather sing you a serenade?" and it's totally the guy in the red shirt. The other guy was too much like Carol Seaver's weird boyfriend from Growing Pains.

As for the houses themselves, there's several at the MoMA, one indoors, and the rest in a vacant lot outside.

The one inside was great! Post-WWII, all made of metal, it reminded me of a school locker. Walking through it was kind of like EPCOT Center, only better, and I really got a kick out of just locking and unlocking the door like an idiot.

It's like the House of the Future from the Land of Yesteryear. Seriously, stuff like this makes me wild, and I wish it wasn't so crowded so I could enjoy it more.

The houses outside were a lot less traditional, and I should've read more about them, because they didn't make much sense to me.

One was tiny, not that much bigger than my cubicle.

Another appeared to be made out of pressboard pieces (almost like a puzzle), and it was just one big room. The only thing inside was a model of the house, which, I think, also had a model of the house inside that.

One was raised on bleacher seating, so it was amusing to watch people try and get up these ridiculously steep stairs. Inside there were no doors- I couldn't tell if that was its normal state, or if that was modified for the exhibit.

One building was several stories high, all the windows made of glass (or cellophane, according to the website), and it looked like there were a number of solar panels attached. We didn't go in that one - the line was too long, and you could see what was inside, anyway. (Nothing was inside except people.)

Anyway, what these fabricated houses had in common was a lack of privacy. They all had either huge glass walls (some in the bathroom!), and one had tiny little holes of glass all around it. I guess it might work if you live in an isolated area, but otherwise, they were just too exposed.

Still, any exhibit that has stuff you can walk through is an enjoyable experience, but I was a bit disappointed that they didn't have anything like the Xanadu House.

I am not kidding when I say one of my biggest regrets in life is never having gone through it when I had the opportunity, I've only visited it as its abandoned, derelict husk.

Cakey... The Final (?) Episode

2008-07-09T11:37:00.004-04:00

This is the final episode of Cakey! The Cake From Outer Space that we made for SuperDeluxe.com.

I hope you enjoy it. It's been one kooky rollercoaster ride.

I wish I could say more about what might happen to Cakey now that the series has ended, but I'm not one for ruining surprises or jinxing myself.

But I will say this - any illustrators who are interested in collaborating on something should please drop me a line.

I Can Has Vacation?

2008-07-09T00:04:00.003-04:00

(A lot of my recent blog titles have been written in LOLcat, I don't know why.)

I wanna go on a vacation! I feel like I haven't been on a real one in forever.

Sure, every Thanksgiving and/or Christmas I go home to Florida for a few days, and last year I spent some time in Los Angeles visiting Disneyland and The Price is Right, but this year I have the days off and the money to do something good.

But what? That's what I'm trying to figure out. I wanna go somewhere for around five days. These are some ideas I've had so far, but I'd greatly welcome any feedback and/or suggestions.

- London/Paris. Never been to London, but some people who know me very well say it's the city where I should be. I'd like to find out if they're right. And David Tennant and Patrick Stewart are playing in Hamlet right now. That alone is reason to go, really.

Paris I'm very "meh" about, but my roommate loves it and can't recommend it enough, and since I'm already so close, I ought to take a day or two to see the City of Lights. Plus, it's near Disneyland Paris, which houses Phantom Manor.

- Hawaii or the Caribbean. I've been told Hawaii is wicked expensive, but I've watched just about every Hawaii program on the Travel Channel, and the ads on LOST really make me want to go. The Caribbean is a cheaper, closer alternative.

- Walt Disney World. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say I've been here over 100 times. It comes with the territory when you live nearby and have a Florida residents' pass. I haven't been there since 2001, so a lot has changed, and I doubt I'm considered a VIP anymore. But my friend Pam has always wanted to go, and she thinks I'd make a good guide. And I think it'd be interesting to see the park through someone else's eyes.

This is probably the easiest trip I could take, but would also be the cheapest.

- Japan In another world, another reality, back in 2002 I decided to move to Japan and teach English instead of moving to New York City. I still would very much like to go there, probably focusing on a small area (I feel it's better to get a much deeper look at a small area than a quick run-through of several cities or countries). This might be the most expensive option, though. Also, Tokyo Disneyland.

That's about all I've got so far. Any thoughts?

Hair Adventure Recap

2008-07-01T13:55:00.003-04:00

Result: It's pretty good!

But before I go into the details of this fascinating hair adventure, I need to tell a little backstory.

A long time ago, I used to go to this nice place in the Village that probably specializes in exotic (read: Asian) hair like mine.

Then, for whatever reason - maybe I lost my job and didn't have money to throw around, maybe I just stopped caring - I started going to the Russian barbers, who are cheap and satisfactory. Plus, they offer straight-razor shaves when I'm feeling masochistic.

But this being the Year of Yes, and being that I am now ridiculously wealthy, I decided to go back to Lupe. This was last month for the hairstyle change, and that was an awkward reunion, let me tell you.

Lupe: It's been a while! I haven't seen you since I first started working here.

Kirk: Wow, that long, huh? Like a year, right?

Lupe: No, that was three years ago.

Yeah, a bit awkward. I always feel weird about breaking up with a barber or a doctor or a restaurant, and returning after a a long absence... oh, the guilt.

What a backstory! Now on to last weekend.

As mentioned before, this was my first time getting my hair dyed. My mom and grandfather dyed their hair regularly, and most of my significant others were regular dyers, too, so I've got some second-hand experience with it and figured it'd be exciting.

I was pretty wrong, it's boring. I liked having the dye painted on, but then you sit for 20 minutes reading a magazine. I imagine things are still too awkward between Lupe and myself to converse for all that time. I earned the solitude, I disappeared for three years, after all.

Anyway, you know the result - it's pretty good! My hair is a lot more brown than it used to be (it used to be dark brown/almost black), but all the gray is gone. It's pretty subtle - the only people who've noticed are my hair-savvy friends.

I'm unsure about shampooing it, though - am I supposed to buy treated shampoo? Lupe says yes. Lynn (who dyes her hair all the time) says no, and Julie (a veteran of many a dye job) says no, since I didn't bleach it, and as long as it's a nice Shampoo, like Finesse or Biolage or the kind with Oscar the Grouch on it.

So I'm a bit unsure about that.

PS: I'll be honest, I don't think this constitutes an "adventure," but I don't feel like changing the title of this entry.

I Can Has New Haircut?

2008-06-25T18:24:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I got a haircut, and it wasn't just an ordinary haircut, but I actually changed the hairstyle.

This was a pretty big move, as I've had basically the same haircut for about 10 years. Everyone I've ever met in college and in New York has known me with what has been described as an unintentional "Elvis Costello pompadour."

So now my hair goes down instead of up, and the results have been quite drastic. The first few people I saw didn't even recognize me - it took a literal double-take to realize I was the same ol' Kirk. That's ridiculous.

Reactions, though, have been mostly positive. The same person quoted above said I now resemble "an Internet millionaire."

My own reaction has been "meh." I've never had any idea known what to do with my hair - when I was a little kid, I chopped a big triangle in my bangs because I thought I needed a haircut, and that led to me parting my hair down the middle for many more years than I should've.

And at the risk of sounding like a slob, despite being painfully handsome, I've never put too much thought into my appearance. I've grown beards and moustaches for months at a time, knowing full well that they look awful, because, eh, what the hell, who cares?

In fact, I had a moustache when I started this job (it's immortalized in my employee ID), and when I finally got rid of the bastard, everyone was shocked. It made me laugh, because that meant they had no idea what I really looked like for all those months.

Anyway, I'm going back for a trim on Friday, as the back is getting shaggy. I'll continue to leave my hair down, and this time I'm gonna "yes...and" (to use an improv term) things by also dying my hair.

I started going gray when I was a teenager, and though I think gray hair is very striking and wonderful, I keep forgetting that a LOT isn't visible from the mirror. At this year's Memorial Day picnic, when Terry saw me in sunlight for what might have been the first time ever, he was quite surprised by how gray I was.

I also haven't dyed my hair since I was 17 and an idiot and made it dark blue, so it might be a fun experience. And I know it'll go away after a while and I'll have my precious silver strands again.

Another "eh, what the hell" decision. Year of Yes... right?

Yoga Mondays ARE Back.

2008-06-20T11:14:00.002-04:00

I just dropped off my check.

Sarah had expressed interest in taking it this time around, but I didn't want that to let that affect my decision. Like, I didn't wanna sign up just because she was, it'd be too much like a crutch.

If I'm gonna do yoga, I have to be willing to do it alone.

So I decided, yeah, I'll sign up again, why not? And it turns out she signed up too, so hopefully Sarah will help me remember to bring my equivalent of yoga pants every Monday.

Year of Pants!

Yoga Mondays are Back! (Maybe)

2008-06-18T09:48:00.003-04:00

My job is offering another set of Yoga classes starting next Monday. At first, I was like, "Eff that," since the last session was a dismal failure (I only went to two out of seven classes), but that's sort of a good reason to sign up again.

Especially since, as the email states, I "want to reduce stress, tone [my] muscles, become stronger, and improve [my] overall health wellness."

Also, the classes run through the dog days of summer, and the longer I can stay in this highly air conditioned office, the better.

I have three days to think about it, so we'll see.

Maine Recap

2008-06-17T12:41:00.003-04:00

Maine was a lot of fun!

Outlet malls... yes!

Ice cream parlor... yes!

Beech Hill... yes!

LL Bean... yes!

Groundhogs... no.

Damn it.

Road Trip

2008-06-12T09:44:00.004-04:00

Sarah and I are driving up to Maine this weekend, and I'm pretty psyched.

I don't often get to leave the city on vacations like this, I've really only taken two road trips in the five years I've lived here - one was a million-hour drive to Toronto for an improv festival, and the other was a wedding up in the Catskills.

It's weird to think I haven't driven a car since... 2005? That can't be right.

Anyway, I'm psyched! I've never been to Maine, so I don't know what to expect, but I've been told there are outlet malls and an ice cream parlor and a hill and LL Bean and groundhogs.

So we'll see how that turns out. I really want to see a groundhog.

The Answer to the Ultimate Dilemma

2008-06-09T10:21:00.003-04:00

I ended up going to Terry's. Year of Yes.

It didn't feel that hot outside, and the WHO episodes were awesome. Well done, Steven Moffat, you got me to make a face of shocked dismay that caused Terry to laugh.

Also, I ordered a portable air conditioner for my room, since the bars on my window prevent me from installing a regular one. Year of Yes!

The Ultimate Dilemma

2008-06-08T12:29:00.002-04:00

It's 90 degrees outside, it's 12:30 p.m., and it's just gonna get worse.

There's something you ought to know about me - far greater than my hatred of rain is my hatred of the heat. It's part of the reason why I left Florida. I hate the heat so much, and can't stand to be sweaty unless it's for a worthwhile reason.

So right now I'm in my room with the window open, the blinds drawn, and my fan on medium, and it's pretty comfortable. I don't have an air conditioner and can't install one because there are bars over my window. I've been thinking of buying a portable AC, but the weather hasn't warranted it... yet.

Which brings me to this ultimate Year of Yes dilemma. Do I hide indoors all day, like I did yesterday, until the sun is mostly down? Or do I brave the blazing heat for a double-feature of Doctor Who at Terry's house?

A weekly group viewing is usually one of my favorite things, but we haven't met in a while. Most of this season's episodes have been solo viewings on YouTube instead of on Terry's enormous television with the WHO Crew. And I do miss everyone. TV is more fun when it's an experience, not when you're by yourself. Also, these two episodes are supposed to be terrific.

I love Doctor Who, quite frankly, but I hate the heat.

Which one will win?

30-Second Rule

2008-06-03T13:29:00.002-04:00

A bit of wisdom I heard years ago is the 30-Second Rule, which says that if you can do something within 30 seconds, you should do it immediately instead of procrastinating.

It's actually really hard to follow, especially if you love being lazy, but something I've been doing this week, and I hope to keep up with, is making the bed.

In truth, I feel making the bed is an exercise in futility, because it'll be slept in within the day, but it DOES make the room look nicer, and even if I get nothing else done with my day, at least I've made the bed.

This line of thinking has actually made me feel better about myself, as after getting that one major accomplishment done, I can sit back and take it easy. And if I can do such a difficult task while still half-asleep, there's nothing I can't do.

NOTHING!

Yoga: Fail.

2008-06-02T10:16:00.002-04:00

Once again, I forgot my pants.

I think this might have been the final week of class, too.

Nice Things #2

2008-05-26T22:27:00.003-04:00

This happened a couple of weeks ago. It was the middle of the afternoon, a rare day of absolutely beautiful spring weather (this May has been particularly bleh).

I was returning to work from a doctor's appointment, and I was proud of myself for that, since I hate doctors, haven't been to one in years, and the needle I weathered wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated, leading me to believe I might be getting over my childhood fear.

So nice weather, feelings of medical accomplishment, but the trains aren't running local, meaning I have to walk up to Union Square. This would ordinary bother me, as I have an axe to grind with the MTA, but because of the weather, I didn't mind the walk.

And I reach Union Square, and there's a farmer's market going on, and I think I can spare an extra five minutes walking through before entering the subway.

The first stand that catches my eye is one that's selling honey, and they're giving away samples of whipped honey, and naturally I take one because I like free things, and it's really quite delicious.

And this stand also has a glass case with a honeycomb inside, so you can see all the bees squirming around, and there are kids looking excitedly and the sun's shining nicely and I have a bandage on my arm and I still have a spoonful of whipped honey in my mouth, and I remember to think, "If this isn't nice, what is?"

Veggie Veggie Fruit Fruit

2008-05-20T09:53:00.007-04:00

I went to the Veggie Pride Parade on Sunday.

I'm a huge sucker for parades, especially when people are in costumes. Throw in some free snacks and a wedding between an anthropomorphic carrot and pea pod, and I'm in Heaven.

Sadly, the wedding was a drizzly, low-key ceremony (I must have been expecting dancing and a procession and... to be honest, I don't know what I was expecting), and I only got solo camera shots of the bride and groom.

The snacks were hit or miss... a Vegan Slim Jim (how can such a thing exist?) called Primal Stick, which was strange and enjoyable, and this raw (or "living," as they call it, I guess) energy bar that was supposed to taste like chocolate chip cookie dough but tasted like an energy bar. I took one bite and gave the rest of it to Sarah, she said she could taste the cookie dough, but I don't know what she's talking about.

For me, the most interesting thing to come out of the Year of Yes is that I'm thinking more about healthy eating, and the possible benefits of vegetarianism. Or part-time vegeterianism, if such a thing exists.

But thinking isn't doing. I'm like those cops on last week's episode of Top Chef: Chicago. I'm probably not gonna eat healthy unless it's put under my nose and it's just as delicious as Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops, and that's the problem.

I wish someone would do something about this, but the only one who will is me. What a dilemma!

At the very least, though, I'm making small changes. After the parade, I met up with Lynn for lunch at a vegetarian Thai restaurant, and that was pretty delicious. And last week, I cooked Sarah a vegan dinner of Ginger Peanut Soba Noodles (here's a suggestion: use a lot less soy sauce, as this was salty as crap). And I don't think I'll ever go back to regular milk.

Also, after an interesting food conversation last night, I'm gonna cut soda from my diet for a while (I currently drink one root beer a day at lunch, but I can substitute it for juice, which is nature's root beer).

But on the other hand, I ate two donuts before the parade. Maybe two and a half, I forget.

I wish nutrition was as simple as the Kitchen Kabaret. Those guys made it seem so easy.

Another Monday, Another No-ga.

2008-05-19T09:40:00.001-04:00

I forgot my yoga pants.

The Year of Yes Paradox

2008-05-14T09:36:00.002-04:00

It's hard to remember that Year of Yes doesn't necessary mean saying yes to everything. Like the blog subtitle says, it's mostly about avoiding the regret of missing out on a funzo experience.

Mostly.

There's also times like last night.

I'll skip the backstory (which involves eating three bowls of Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops and performing a Harold), but it ends with me a bit hungover and tired this morning, thinking, "Should I have gone to the bar last night, or should I have just gone home?"

What do you say yes to?

I had some reasons for going out: I never go out after a show, never, so why not? And I wanted to talk business with my friend Molly (hopefully, this will be elaborated on in a future post).

And I had some reasons for going home: Home has sleep and shower and Chocolate Peanut Butter Pops.

But I went to the bar, figuring I'd just walk there with Molly, then catch a cab or subway home.

Once inside, rather than get one drink (as we both previously decided), we split a pitcher, instead. As my team's coach Jackie once sarcastically said, "Why eat one bowl of sugar cereal when you can eat the whole box and then die?"

So... Year of Yes?

In the long run, it doesn't matter much. Either choice would be fine. It's either a bit of a hangover plus a decent time or going home, staying up too late playing computer, and not getting my mind blown by finding out about the upcoming Dragonball live-action movie starring Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Piccolo.

That movie's gonna be ridiculous.

Yoga? More Like "No-ga."

2008-05-12T14:02:00.002-04:00

It's really hard to get psyched about this evening's yoga session.

I missed last week due to being sick, and with this crappy weather and the fact that I went to bed super-late last night, I kinda just want to go home.

In short, I've got a bucketful of reasons to say No, so it'll take some real will power to say Yes.

We'll see how I hold up by 5:30 p.m.

I feel that by posting this, it'll force me to go to class, lest I fail in the eyes of the blogfolk.

THAT'S YOU.

Kirk Quirks...

2008-05-07T09:38:00.006-04:00

Seems like Jen Mac tagged me to name six quirks about myself, and since this is the Year of Yes, here goes.

1. I like to say fake words.
I even have a list of them here at work!

Hungy: Hungry
Chippos: Chips (sometimes Hippos)
Hee-pohs: Hippos
Reeh-noh: Rhino
Yar: Yes
Exarctly: Exactly
Suxor: Sucks
Fug: F*ck
Wawa: Water
Frifri: Friday

Astute readers will recognize several Simpsons references. I don't know why I do it, maybe because I'm seven years old, but I do find it pleasurable to say these things.

2. I have difficulty sleeping without a fan (or other white noise).
When I was a kid, the air conditioning in my bedroom didn't work (it still doesn't, as far as I know). The Florida heat made this unlivable, so my parents bought me a fan. And over the years, I've become very reliant on that white noise.

If it isn't a fan, it's the humming of an air conditioner, but I find it very, very, very hard to fall asleep in a silent room. I don't see how people can do it.

3. I'm susceptible to static shocks.
I wish this wasn't true, but I'm ALWAYS getting shocked by something stupid. In the past, it's been my car. Here at work, sometimes it's my keyboard or mouse, usually the door to the elevators.

I often have to smack my hand on the door handle, because I feel I'm less likely to get a shock if I smack it suddenly, rather than reach out with my fingers. Sometimes I'll use the back of my hand, because I think that it's not as sensitive to electricity.

People have said this borderlines on compulsive behavior, and maybe it is, but it's necessary. I wish I could stop doing it... but then I'd get shocked.

4. I'm obsessed with the Haunted Mansion.
Not the movie (ugh, don't get me started on the movie), but the ride. It's one of the most frequently recurring locations in my dreams - I dreamed about it last night, in fact, so it's weighing heavily on my mind at the moment.

As a little kid, I was scared of the ride... or maybe I was only scared of it because my parents thought I would be afraid of the ride. I had read the old Haunted Mansion book & record (shown below), and the idea of a suit of armor that attacked you and a Hatbox Ghost terrified me. Of course, neither of these things exist on the actual ride - the suit of armor barely moves, and the Hatbox Ghost never made the final cut.

When I finally rode it, I was nervous... and that nervousness still remains with me to this day. Ridiculous, right? I keep expecting something bad to happen. But that's part of the fun, I guess. And I like the way the ride builds... at first it's empty, then isolated sightings, then a buttload of ghosts (buttload is a word I use, but I think it's pretty common, so it didn't make the list from Quirk #1).

I shouldn't start writing about the ride because I'll never stop.

But I dream about the Haunted Mansion all the time.

5. I have a hard time peeling bananas.
I just never really learned as a kid, I guess. I can do it if I have a knife or scissors to help me out, but just getting it going with the little stem at the end... it's hard!

Hand-in-hand with this quirk, whenever I peel a banana, I feel very proud of myself.

6. Bonus!
I'll be honest, I thought I only had to do five quirks. So I didn't come up with a sixth. Instead, here's a video of the newest Cakey! The Cake From Outer Space episode...

PS: I tag YOU, the reader, to list six quirks of your own and link back to it via comments. I'd be more specific as to who I'd tag, but I don't know 1) who reads this blog and 2) who would actually do it, other than maybe Heather.

Don't say no, say Year of Yes. Do it up!

Also, if you're lazy like me, you can list only five quirks and then embed the Cakey video for your sixth. That is acceptable.

If This Isn't Nice, What Is? #1

2008-05-05T00:00:00.002-04:00

I don't know if this officially belongs in Year of Yes, but I think it's good to enact Kurt Vonnegut's advice about sitting back and saying, "If this isn't nice, what is?" when one realizes and appreciates that things are pretty good. So I'm gonna try to do that.

Today, on the train from Astoria to New York City, still above ground. Despite Yahoo Weather's claims, it's sunny and warm. Very nice view, very beautiful blue sky. It's real spring weather.

I'm pretty psyched about having a full day of rehearsal ahead of me. Even though it'll be tiring, I feel good.

The train's mostly empty, so I can has a seat, which is good, because I have my accordion with me and that thing weighs a million pounds.

A song comes up on the ol' iPod ("Samantha" by The Unlovables), one I'd taken out of rotation because I listened to it WAY too much last Xmas while preparing a mix CD of my all-time favorite songs, but it's the first time I'd heard it in a while and I find myself mouthing along and bopping my head. It's good to know and remember and realize that yeah, I still really enjoy this song.

And I think, "If this isn't nice, what is?"

That's all.

Day Off

2008-05-02T10:05:00.004-04:00

With my roommate out of town, I decided to take the day off and live it up, Ferris Bueller style.

First point of order: not going back to sleep. This is really hard for me to do, believe it or not, as sleep is one of my five favorite things. But when I tied back the curtain, that was a sign that yes, this is gonna be different than any other day off (where I sleep until 1 p.m.).

I have plans, big plans, for today, and they don't just include eating Fruity Pebbles and watching the newest episode of 30 Rock... even if that is the second point of order for the day.

I will do this while simultaneously downloading podcasts of The Game Master Show, specifically episodes 36-41, because they're about Dread (I am writing a Dread game, more about that later). And I will listen to them while heading toward my third point of order, which is...

The Guggenheim (pronounced "Gug-in-heim" or "Gug-guh-guh" because I am 10 years old) to see Cai Guo-Qiang: I Want to Believe. I've been wanting to see this for a while, and it'll be good to go during the day when there are no crowds, because I hate crowds.

Applebee's Julie (that's her new nickname) went there earlier in the week (she works in the art shipping industry, and might have even shipped this exhibition) and gave me the heads-up on how to see this exhibit most effectively - namely, go to the top and work one's way down.

Having accomplished something high-brow, I intend to do something high tech with my fourth point of order, namely, I'm gonna see Iron Man. Even though I'm a former comic book nerd (I even worked in a comic book store back in the '90s, just like everyone else), I don't get so much into comic book movies. But I'm strangely psyched for this one. I don't know why, I don't even like Iron Man. But seriously, that preview is pretty kick-ass and I've only heard great things about it from my friends at Marvel Comics.

I really don't have any points of order after that. I guess it depends on the weather (if it's raining, I will hide somewhere or go back home) and if I'm tired (which would require a nap), but I am pretty psyched for today.

And if I run into a parade, I'll totally crash it.

I Do Yoga

2008-04-29T14:45:00.004-04:00

My job occasionally offers yoga classes, and this being the Year of Yes, I signed up for the current session. It's once a week for seven weeks, and yesterday was our first class.

Yoga!

I've only done it once, way back in the day when I belonged to the Good Gym (as opposed to when I belonged to the Crappy Gym), and, unknown to me, it was the hot room version. I remember it being a sucky time. I had no idea what to do and had to keep looking at other people, my glasses kept sliding off my face, and I couldn't figure out why heat was on. I only went once.

Yesterday was a different experience, thankfully. There were about four or five beginners in the class (with maybe 15 people total), and I didn't feel too much like a n00b. I still had to look at my neighbors on occasion to figure things out, but since other people were doing the same thing, I didn't really feel like a Goofus.

So... did I like Yoga class? Yes, I think so.

I really hate exercising on my own (it's so damn boring), so it's nice that this is in a class setting. Being in a group prevents me from getting bored and wandering off.

The session itself felt nice. My legs were straining at some points, which surprised me - I'd always thought my legs were my strongest muscles (other than my brains), but I enjoyed it. I actually felt good afterward, so that's a plus. That's what exercise is all about, as far as I'm concerned.

Yoga is a weird type of exercise, though... I guess it's kind of conditioning muscles, right? But it doesn't feel like what I'd consider traditional exercise. Which is fine, because I hate getting sweaty.

It's like when I took Pilates because a friend's friend was getting her certification and needed students to practice on or something. It was interesting, but I didn't feel like I'd been "worked out" afterward and didn't do it enough to see any results. Still, I'm glad I did it.

Another thing I like about Yoga: I get to come up with sentences that use the words "Yoda" and "Yoga," such as "I hope Yoda teaches the Yoga class." This amuses me to no end, because I am ten years old.

I fear one class a week isn't gonna make a difference on my life, but I'm reluctant to join a gym or take a class that I can't walk to from my apartment (something about being sweaty and getting on the subway bothers me).

So I like it so far, and even if it doesn't make me as fit as a fiddle, it'll hopefully be interesting.

Also, after writing this I realized that it's an alarmingly ignorant post, so I did a Wiki search on Yoga as Exercise, and read that it's "a combination of breathing exercises, physical postures, and meditation."

I like that.

It sounds nice and is something that would be up my alley. I have terrible posture and would like to fix it, it doesn't sound too exercise-y. It just seems nice.

Oh, well, six more weeks. We'll see how it turns out.

I Heart LOST

2008-04-25T10:43:00.004-04:00

Last night was the first episode of LOST I was able to see as it aired (meaning, not on DVD and not on abc.com).

I've finally caught up! I buckled down, did my best, and even though I didn't make it in time for the Season Four premiere, I'm still did it. And, as predicted back in January, I am addicted.

This is just like Harry Potter all over again.

But no spoilers, don't worry... except I can't resist leaving a comment that lists all my favorite characters from the first three seasons. So don't click on the Comments if you haven't seen this show yet.

Julie (Kind of) Hearts Applebee's

2008-04-23T09:53:00.001-04:00

Julie left a comment with her take on the Applebee's adventure. Lest it be buried with the older posts, I'm reprinting it here.

xxxxx

when you say im your oldest friend, i think its funny to imagine i am a senior citizen. and you took me along to get an extra discount.

you failed to mention our server's name was icee. or icie. or icy.
i dont think she was big on our "order from the menu throughout the evening" tactic. i think thats unheard of at applebees. atleast my family never did this growing up. maybe yours did. maybe wanda sykes did.

riblet:
the mysterious bones resembled gigantic flat toenails. finding the bone in the riblet's meat nest really was like unearthing a fossil - in a children's science museum demonstartion sort of way. we didnt know how to eat the riblets. i was under the impression we would use our hands, like we with the chicken finger. instead we had to use a fork and knife. confusion. really, i want to puke thinking about riblets.

the riblet wetnap was a pretty great souvinir (sp?). stu displays it proudly on his desk at work.

a side note about chicken fingers, i dont know why servers always default to a dipping sauce of honey mustard instead of barbecue sauce, as icy did. i prefer both, but if i had to choose one, it would always be barbecue sauce. if i got to choose three, i would also pick sour cream. try it with the bbq sauce - i swear its delicious.

in the end, the meal was a success. surprisingly i didnt feel disgusting after eating all that crap.

Year of Yes Has Failed Me!

2008-04-21T12:43:00.002-04:00

Tuna Salad Wrap... you taste weird and different.

Never again.

Never forget.