The Pun That Started a Round of Applause...

Pam remembered it!

It happened after the fight between King Arthur and the Black Knight (who loses his arms and legs in the process).

A beggar walks by, calling out, "Alms for the poor, alms for the poor."

Then he picks up the fallen arms. Arms for the poor. Wokka wokka!

In retrospect, it's not that hilarious, but the timing was right to bust out the applause.

Spamalot

Last night, in what could be the final theatre-going event of 2008 (or longer, depending on how much I end up tightening the financial belt), Pam and I went to see Monty Python's Spamalot.

It's closing soon, they're offering $20 tickets (visit http://www.BroadwayOffers.com and enter the code SPBAL20), and it's the Year of Yes, so why not?

Plus, we'd seen a lot of downer theatre this year (Equus, All My Sons), so we thought it'd be nice to end the year on an upbeat musical.

The show was all right. I'd rather watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, obviously, but it was a way to spend the evening. And it had a lot of puns! I love 'em! I'm an idiot! They're one of my favorite things, I find them just punderful.

When King Arthur said, "The grail is a symbol..." and the percussionist in the orchestra hit a cymbal, oh, how I laughed.

During a dance number, when someone carried out a bale of hay and everyone on stage pointed at it and said "Hey!" rhythmically, I hit my knee and elbowed Pam painfully to let her know how much I appreciated that horrible bit of wordplay.

And there's one more, I wish I could remember it, but I just started applauding. And I didn't stop. Pretty soon, the audience picked up on it, and they were applauding their approval for some stupid pun.

I was pretty proud of that moment. If there's one thing I can do, it's incite a crowd to action - I once got everyone in line at Splash Mountain to sing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" or some similar song. Oh, and when we landed in Orlando last month, I got the other passengers to applaud. Yeah, I'm a regular John Candy from Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

I kept track of the number of puns in the second act - there were ten. I was curious if any of them would get spontaneous applause that wasn't started by me. No pun in ten did.

That's my show, good night, folks!

Fired!

On Thursday our department was finally let go.

We were in good company, over 800 other people were laid off from Viacom in a big initiative of sadness.

At least our department had warning - a huge amount of warning, really, considering we were told at the end of July. But I still went from being a rich, rich man with more money than I could ever spend (remember that proposed trip to London and Paris?) and the savings just piling up to having to carefully budget my coins and be nervous about the future. Fun! And just in time for the holidays.

So now I find myself unemployed for the first time in about five years, wondering what to do and what will happen... along with thousands and thousands of other people.


Gone is my work ID, which always made me laugh. As you can see, I got it during a moustache period of my life. And when I finally shaved, everyone was like, "Wow, you look so different!" To which I responded, "Oh, this? This is what I really look like."

I'll miss the job. I liked the work, it was interesting and stress-free, I liked the people, and I had a plant that I didn't have to water for months at a time. It was without a doubt the best job I've had since moving to the city. Or in my life. I don't know what'll happen to the plant.

And there's a big, boring story about the MTV Closed Captioning Department and why things happened to us the way they did. Basically, in an effort to save money short-term, they're outsourcing us, even though short- and long-term, we were a profitable department. Long-term, they're probably making a mistake... but who cares about tomorrow when there are so many troubles today?

Our severance, which I was expecting to be a big fat zonk, was nicer than I could expect, so at least that's something. But everyone is unemployed these days... that's the part that worries me.

On the one hand, a steady paycheck is a great thing. But on the other, though 2008 was the Year of Yes, I don't feel like I got a lot done, writing- and production-wise. What did I do, what did I create, what steps have I taken toward my ultimate dream goal of turning into a Muppet?

Not much, honestly.

And so maybe 2009 might be a time to really work on that, instead of finding a 40-hour job that'll keep me rolling in the money. I think of some of the people I've met and admire, like Brian Huskey and Rob Corddry, who eschewed (God, I love that word) regular 9-to-5s in the pursuit of their comedy dreams. And maybe I should be taking similar steps.

Also, inspired by my friend DC's success in a similar venture, I'd like to work more seriously on my novel. That's right, the one from NaNoWriMo. Though the month is over, the novel isn't. I'm at about 33,000 words, hopefully done by 55,000. More on that in a future post.

So that's about it on the Employment story. Last Thursday, as I took my suitcase full of stuff home, I decided to Year of Yes the day, and not go home and sulk and watch Survivor: Gabon (one person on the show went to my high school, and another had a small part in a UCBW wrestling show last year - small world!), I'd take a coaching gig and do a commercial audition, even though it was raining and I wanted very much to sit and sulk.

I didn't get the commercial, but I think it's an auspicious beginning to my unemployment. I'm glad I didn't give up and go home. The coaching gig was a lot of fun.

Oh, and before I exited the office, I left them a little something on my bulletin board, to show them (whoever "they" are - it's not like the people who will be going over my desk are the higher-ups that cut all the jobs) that we're all real people, not just numbers:


I certainly was.

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part III)

The Magic Kingdom - the mother of the four theme parks!

We went twice, once during the Extended Hours when the place was open 'til 2 a.m., and again the next day. Unfortunately, we didn't get a lot done (we spent a lot of time riding the train around the park), because Sarah was feeling sick most of the day, and I didn't want to drag her around. Also, it was pretty crowded, and that always gets my goat.

Anyway, let's get to the interview. Take us away, Dumbo!


K: Ah, the Magic Kingdom! What did you think?

S: It was the most typically Disney. It was what I expecting, with all the rides based on characters.

K: Well, we started out at the Carousel of Progress.


S: Oh, yeah. That was not what I meant.

K: Yeah, I know. Did you like it?

S: Um... Not really. It was ridiculous, I don't know.

K: But didn't you like their weird view of the future?

S: No, I definitely did not. It seemed like this old-fashioned thing, and then all of a sudden, it turned into just outdated.

K: They actually mentioned laser discs and car phones as being cutting-edge. CAR PHONES!

S: That was painful to watch.

K: But the rest of it's good. And the song.

S: That song got stuck in my head for days.

K: And what's wrong with that?

S: It's too short to be stuck in one's head, unless there's a bridge I don't know about.

K: Maybe "Man has a dream, and that's the start..."

S: No, that's part of what got stuck in my head. Oh, yeah, you were singing and everyone turned around to look at you. That was the most attention you got.

K: The ride was practically empty.

S: You were singing before the guy started.

K: It's a good song! After that, we went on Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, and you hated it.


S: I didn't hate it. I didn't hate the ride, I just didn't have a good experience because I didn't know how to do it.

K: Yeah, the guns are hard to aim, you just gotta keep an eye out...

S: I thought it was broken for half the ride, because they didn't explain there wasn't going to be a pointer all the time.

K: But you scored better than that little kid!

S: I scored three times what that little kid got, and you scored... 100 times what that little kid got.

K: More than that, actually. I've been playing for a while. And we also took advantage of the shorter lines at the Haunted Mansion. Did you like that?


S: Yeah, I did. It was spooky, but... it was sombre, you know, not terrifying.

K: What was your favorite part?

S: The new [attic] part, with the woman and the husbands, because it gave you the best story, I think. That's what I usually look for. You see the first one, and you're like, "What is this?" Then you see more and more, and then she [the bride] basically tells you. But it was visually interesting, and you get a sense of story.

K: We also went on Peter Pan's Flight in Fantasyland.

S: That was... You made that out to be one of the best things ever, I feel.

K: Well, it's extremely popular.

S: But it just seemed normal. You feel like you're flying, I guess, but not like Soarin', where you actually feel like you're flying. You've gotta have an imagination, which I don't have.

K: Dreamfinder and Figment told us that imagination is something that belongs to all of us.

S: OK. I didn't go on that version of Journey Into Imagination.

K: I know, and I'm sorry. Do you remember anything about It's a Small World?


S: It was more chaotic than I thought. Everyone was happy. I was expecting segments for different parts of the world, rather than a giant room full of everybody singing and dancing in various languages at the same time.

K: But each room is a continent.

S: I wouldn't have known that if you hadn't told me. Ask me what I learned.

K: What did you learn from it?

S: (Laughs) I learned that hula girls always wink, across the globe, in every country. It's universal.

K: Fair enough. They made the castle to look like it has icicles.


S: I liked when the little boy said, "That's so pretty." That was one of the highlights of the whole trip, because I was surrounded by this, like, Disney romance, you know, man/woman, prince/princess, little girls dressed up like Cinderella and little boys in stupid, dumb-ass t-shirts, you know. It was a really gendered place, and I wasn't expecting to hear a little boy to say that. And it's true, it was pretty.

K: It was. I was really impressed. We came back the next day and had lunch at Tony's Town Square Restaurant.

S: It was nice of the chef to make something special [to accommodate her vegan diet], but it wasn't that great. It might've been what made me feel sick. I feel bad saying that.

K: He was incredibly nice, though. And at least we got to see Mary Poppins outside!


S: OK.

K: We went on The Enchanted Tiki Room: Under New Management, any thoughts on that?

S: I was annoyed by the two new birds [Zazu and Iago]. Especially the comedian.

K: Which one is that?

S: Iago, right?

K: Yeah. The show was better without them.

S: Sounds that way.

K: Also, they look weird compared to the other birds. They look like they're made of plush toys or Muppets.

S: The red one looked like he was made of Telly Monster.


S: During our stay in Adventureland, we also went on Pirates of the Caribbean.

S: I liked the sleeping pig.

K: Why?

S: It was funny.

K: And what about the rest of the ride?

S: It was interesting. I like pirates. Apparently I don't have a lot to say, huh?

K: Nope. (Laughs) Adventureland was fun, though. I bought a little treasure chest full of six-sided dice (over 70!), made you try on a pirate hat, we did the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, and I got a Dole Whip.


S: How was it?

K: Delicious! What else was there? Splash Mountain, we already talked about that.

S: Yep, I remember.

K: And Mickey's PhilharMagic.


S: Which you loved.

K: Yes, I did love it! It's cute and funny, and I wanted to hold Ariel's hand and I waved to Aladdin and Jasmine. Lynn told us to go on it a thousand times. I wouldn't go that far, but it's a really fun 3-D movie. What'd you think of it?

S: Uh... It was good for kids. I don't know, nothing much. I learned a lot about Donald.

K: Like what?

S: Just that he's kind of, I don't know, I just didn't know anything about his personality. I didn't realize he was such a curmudgeon.

K: He's a bit of a dickhead. But he loves dessert! Remember when that kid sat next to me the second time, and kept talking the entire time?

S: That was cute.

K: He said, "Goofy's such a weirdo."

S: And he is.


K: Overall, I don't think you enjoyed the Magic Kingdom very much.

S: Yeah, it was my least favorite park. And my worst experience was there.

K: Which was?

S: Splash Mountain.

K: Oh, I thought you were gonna say when you kept getting diarrhea.

S: Second worst, then.

K: Should I keep that in there?

S: If you want.

K: Done!

S: Wait... Are people gonna think you're serious?

K: I don't know.

On that note, we'll call it a day. Just one more park, Animal Kingdom, which, if you'll pardon a spoiler, was a really good time.

Grandma and the F*ck Yous: Last Show Ever!

Tonight is the LAST SHOW EVER by the awesomest riot grrl band to ever come out of Elizabeth College, Grandma and the F*ck Yous. Come see it!

Grandma and the F*ck Yous: Last Show Ever!
A timeless tale of Riot Grrrls, Punk Rock, Love, Violence, Queer Action, Betrayal, Activism, & Hair Dye.
December 3rd, 9:30 PM
$5

WRITTEN BY: Lynn Bixenspan & Betsy Todd
DIRECTED BY: Kirk Damato
FEATURING: Bob Acevedo, Eric Bernat, Lynn Bixenspan, Stan Laikowski, Sarah Nowak, Betsy Todd
LOCATION: UCB Theatre 307 W. 26th Street (@ 8th Ave.)
Call 212-366-9176 or click here for reservations.

I Don't Heart Heroes

Of the many things I said Yes to this year, trying out new TV shows was one of them, even though I knew it'd be a super-slow process (for example, it's December, and I've only watched two shows).

Lost was a huge hit, and I'm super psyched for January 21st, when the new season starts, but the second show... well, as you can guess from the title of this post, I'm not that into it.

And as you can also guess from the title, I'm talking about Heroes. I finally finished the first season, and the fact that it took me so long to watch 23 episodes is a good indicator that it failed to get me sufficiently psyched.

Which is surprising, really, it's a show about super powers, I should be interested. I loved the premise, actually, but the terrible writing just totally turned me off. Especially Mohinder and his ridiculously pretentious monologues, I wish that guy would shut up. Or die.

(BTW, I guess I should mention there might be spoilers in this entry, so if you haven't watched the first season of Heroes but might want to one day, stop reading.)

Also, and this is another slam against the writers, there were a lot of holes in the plot and in the reality of the universe. I write and edit scripts and stories and role-playing games, and if someone handed me some of these episodes, I'd be like, "Are you out of your mind?"

For instance, in Episode 2F09 when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

The other thing, and this is the only one I can remember since I watched this over the course of about three months, is that the cop is telepathic. That's his power. Yet characters get the drop on him all the time. What's up? His powers don't always work? Did they explain that at some point and I forgot it? Or does he have to be concentrating to find someone? Because if someone is sneaking around trying to kill him, he'd probably use his telepathic powers to find them first (and don't tell me he can't use his powers to find someone - his first instance of telepathy happens when he finds Molly Walker). Or do they just fail when it's convenient for the plot?

I persevered through the season, because I was told by several sources that it ends well. BUT IT DOESN'T. Parkman gets shot several times, but I know he lives... So unless he's wearing a bulletproof vest, WTF?

Also, Skylar got away? Like, no one noticed that he disappeared? Everyone is like, "Wow, we killed him! But no need to look over at the body, even though it's in plain eyesight, let's all go home." Really?

And before you defend me by saying it's a time-honored tradition for the villain's body to disappear, I say humbug. It's a cliche. And if you're gonna rely on every single one of these characters to not notice, I don't feel you're writing them to the top of their intelligence or potential.

So I will not continue with Heroes, which is fine, I've heard horror stories about the second and third season, and even if there are a few good episodes, I can just read about them on Wikipedia or something.

The next show I'm going for is Mad Men.

Post-Disney Interview with Sarah (Part II)

Where many were, how few remain
Of old familiar things;
But seeing them, to mind again
The lost and absent brings.

The friends I left that parting day,
How changed, as time has sped!
Young childhood grown, strong manhood gray,
And half of all are dead.
-from "My Childhood's Home I See Again,"
by Abraham Lincoln

I no longer call it EPCOT Center. It's now just EPCOT. I hit this weird place during our vacation, when I realized it isn't my favorite park anymore.

The park I loved, EPCOT Center, no longer exists. Out of all the old rides from Future World, only one remains (I don't count Living With the Land since they got rid of the song). The World of Motion, Horizons, the real Journey Into Imagination, they're all gone. EPCOT Center is gone. There's only EPCOT now.

What did it for me was seeing a bunch of nostalgic vintage replica EPCOT Center shirts they made for the 25th Anniversary, and oh, that pissed me off. Because I was wearing an authentic version of one of the shirts they were selling. Ouch. So it goes.


But enough about me, let's see Sarah's take on EPCOT Center. I mean EPCOT.

K: So what'd you think of EPCOT? We went twice!

S: Are you interviewing me?

K: Yeah.

S: I thought it was interesting. It had different stuff that wasn't very Disney. The other parks had a lot of cartoon mice and ducks.

K: But the Mexico ride [now called El Gran Fiesta Starring The Three Caballeros] had crap like that. Too much Donald Duck, nothing about Mexico. It's more tourist-y than ever, since Donald plays the role of a ridiculous and embarrassing tourist.


S: Yeah, I could kind of see the shadow that you described to me of what it used to look like.

K: Let's go back to the front of the park. Did you like Spaceship Earth? We went on it twice. [And it's still good! I like the changes they made, and Dame Judi Dench can really tell a story about human communication. And they make stuff like this:]


S: It was kind of relaxing.

K: That's what most of the rides at EPCOT Center used to be like. Did you enjoy Soarin' [which, by the way, is pretty fun, but very short. My reaction here is way exaggerated. Also, note that authentic shirt.]?


S: Mm-hmm, because it's something I don't ever get to do. It's like an experience I never get to have, yet not scary and doesn't make me want to throw up.

K: What about the Imagination ride?

S: I don't think I liked that.

K: Me neither.

S: I didn't actually learn anything. What were they trying to say, what was the message there? I know they were trying to teach about imagination, but it was very vague.

K: And half-assed. I wish you could've seen the old ride.

S: Plus, Figment was kind of a weirdo.

K: Well, he's different. He's no longer voiced by Billy Barty.

S: Yeah, he's a little too puckish for my taste. And forceful. He was trying to order me around.

K: You didn't see the real Figment.


K: The real Figment was created by the Dreamfinder, not by Dr. Nigel Channing of the Imagination Institute. He used to have a dash of childish delight, not be a loose cannon. Also, let me add that the above pin pisses me off. Don't have merchandise for rides you've DESTROYED FOREVER. Anyway. What else did we do, did you like Living with the Land?

S: Yep, because it's in a boat and it was relaxing and there are dragonfruits. And there was a little boy who said, "Mom, look, a stone alligator!" And it had nothing to do with the ride, it was just a long stone. And he was looking at the fish instead of the alligators.

[Sarah enjoys people-watching more than actual rides.]

K: You seemed to enjoy Club Cool, the place where they give samples of foreign sodas.

S: That was fun, that was a highlight. I don't like or drink soda, but again, it was an experience I don't normally get to have. And it was nice of them to give me something for free, and I really wish this country had watermelon or apple or lemon soda, 'cause those were good.

K: I did like the lemon soda a lot. I drank so much soda!

S: And I didn't mind the disgusting one, it wasn't the worst.

K: Ugh, the Italian aperitif. It has a cologne-like aftertaste! But I drank it in honor of the father of one of my students (it was his favorite drink). Club Cool used to be "cooler" when there was snow and a caveman, but I do like that place. Test Track!


S: That was the sickest I got on a ride. If there had been one more turn, I would've felt ill.

K: You're a baby. How about Mission: Space?

S: That was a bit funny because we went on it with a little kid.

K: And that kid sucked! He didn't help out at all with our VERY IMPORTANT mission to space.

S: We would've been goners if he had been on our crew. I felt very unsafe with him as our Navigator.

K: Yeah, what a stupid kid. But otherwise, I was sorely disappointed. It's boring! (Though we did go on the weak-ass version.)

S: Yeah, and I'm glad we did. Lynn said they didn't have the two versions when she went to EPCOT, they only had the orange level.

K: Someone died, that's why they changed it. I think that covers it for Future World. Let's move on to the World Showcase. Did you like the Norway ride?

S: Yeah, it was kind of mild, though.

K: But they had trolls! And Vikings!


S: There wasn't actually a lot to it.

K: You're right. Just Vikings to trolls to polar bears to, like, oil rig, and then the movie. There's no story to it. Speaking of stories, you didn't like the American Adventure.

S: (Shakes her head.) I didn't. (pause) I didn't hate it.

K: Why didn't you like it?

S: I guess 'cause I don't like history. Or cheesy music.

K: Wait, you didn't like when they did the Civil War segment, with the two brothers on their way, one wore blue and one wore gray?

S: Yeah, I did, but you'd told me about that already.

K: Crap. (Pause.) And then at the end they added Run-DMC and, like, who else...

S: Tony Hawk. That was a little odd.

K: ...yeah, to the roll call of 20th century American heroes. And that was about all we did in the World Showcase, other than Reflections of China, the Circle-Vision 360 movie.

S: Which was awesome.

K: Why?

S: Another new thing [it's a movie theatre in the round], and it was really beautiful.


K: And you love China. Though I did think it was weird that they computer-generated a beard over the narrator's mouth so they could change the opening lines.

S: I would like to see it again to see what you're talking about.

K: It's too bad we didn't see the new Canadian Circle-Vision 360 movie. The old one made no sense. Now it's hosted by Martin Short. Oh, we saw Miyuki, the Japanese candy artist.

S: I liked that, it was fun to watch, but the things she was saying were a bit bizarre.

K: "Is candy, yum-yum, treat for you. One minute after." That's their patter, though. I saw her seven years ago (psst, it was a different Miyuki) and she spoke the same way. And what about the Japanese shop?

S: I actually liked the Japanese and Chinese shops. I wonder if that's just because I've lived in Asia and I've studied the languages and whatnot. All the stores were, like, Americanized version for tourists, but there was something about the aesthetic, and also, they were bigger.

K: And they didn't have, like, Mickey Mouse and pins and crap like that.

S: Yeah, I guess not.

K: We bought of stuff there. A lamp... A really great mug... Some Darumas... Snacks... Um, that's probably it.


S: I actually liked the World Showcase, because it's foreign, new. Plus, the best meal I had the whole trip was in Morocco.

K: Yeah, that's one of my favorite places to eat. And we got to listen to that Moroccan fusion band. And took this pretty picture...


S: Oh, also, I saw a manatee.

K: That's true! We forgot to talk about The Seas with Nemo and Friends!

S: Yeah, that's when you became six years old. When we were waiting in line for the Nemo ride, you said "Nemo, Nemo" repeatedly, I would say maybe 100 times.

K: It's very fun to say. I don't even like that movie, but I love saying his name. And they had Nemos there! Real Nemos!


S: And then after we got inside, you kept saying, "Sharks! Sharks! Sharks! Sharks!"

K: Well, they had sharks there.


S: You were also excited about the dolphins. They were cool.

K: Yeah, that was really exciting. I shouted, "Ooh, dolphins!" in a ridiculous-but-genuine voice. They had real dolphins swimming around. They're really big!

Sadly, I couldn't get a picture of the dolphins, they swim too fast. And no manatee pics, either - they look like majestic turds, and I couldn't get a good pic of their faces.

Going into this interview, I was kind of depressed (Lincoln's poetry does that to me), but by the end, I was accepting. "The Future World is born today," after all, and change comes to everything... even the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow.

Next time: The Magic Kingdom!