Tooth or Consequences

My parents were never very concerned with dental health, and they only took my brother and me to the dentist a few times. And that only got started when my brother chipped his tooth in the swimming pool. He ended up getting a root canal, we both got a bunch of fillings, and that was that. I was probably in 3rd grade at the time. We never went again.

Flash forward to post-college, and I'm about to go off my parents' insurance. I decide to see a dentist, but only end up getting a cleaning and x-rays. They tell me I have wisdom teeth, and although I don't need to get them removed right away, I should probably do it within the next ten years. "Plenty of time," I think.

Six years later, I'm working for a paparazzi company in New York City and finally have health insurance of my own. I see a dentist, get a cleaning and x-rays, get two white fillings that were supposed to be cheap, but ended up being really expensive, get pissed off and never go back.

And now, the Year of Yes. With my current employment set to end in October, I decided I better take advantage of this health insurance and do what I gotta do. That includes the dentist. After just a handful of visits in my entire life, this week I'm going three times. Three times?!

On Monday I got a cleaning and some x-rays (and was told that one of my wisdom teeth is "one unhappy tooth"), and the cleaning was actually more painful than any I remember. But I stoically made it through.

Yesterday I got four fillings (four fillings?!), and it was much more pleasant than the cleaning. I actually don't mind the dentist, unlike the doctor. I don't find the Novocaine injections to be painful or scary, and I think it's interesting to have so many foreign objects in my mouth. Plus, Dr. Handler has one of the best demeanors I've ever encountered. It was like a challenge, she said it might be hard to keep my mouth open for that long, but I did it.

Anyway, tomorrow I go back for the wisdom teeth consultation, and I'll probably set up a date for surgery. This is the big one, the scary one. Everyone with a wisdom teeth story says it's a bad experience, and requires recuperation and angst. But I want to get them removed before I lose my insurance, so hopefully it'll get done in September.

And that's the story of my teeth. I'll end with a famous proverb and then a joke, because I like wordplay.

"Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you."

That is the proverb.

Q. What time do you go to the dentist?
A. Tooth-hurty (2:30).

That is the joke.